Pieces of Us
by huddysmyvicodin
Summary: This story is an extension of some memorable scenes between Rufus and Lily. The first chapter revolves around season two and there could be more! Rufus/Lily centric with all of the original characters thrown in. Please enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I got this idea after reading a House story and I wanted to try it out. This will be choppy, but it pertains to some of my favorite moments of season two between Rufus and Lily. I hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Do you really think if I owned GG I would let it crash and burn like that? Nope, I am not taking any blame, I own nothing.**

"_I can't be your safety net anymore. It's not fair. You made your choice to be Mrs. Bass; you need to go do that. We both need you to go do that."_

Rufus watches Lily deposit the wine in his hand and brush past him. He turns to say something, but hesitates. What can he tell her? He meant what he said, but that doesn't mean he can't feel bad about it. The expression on her face when he kissed Claire killed him. Lily seemed so devastated and hurt, almost as if he had just slapped her across the face. However, Rufus is standing up for himself; he can't be her second choice, he deserves to be more than that. He loves Lily, he really does, but the only time she comes to him is when Bart isn't around or he has hurt her. If they are to work as a couple, Rufus wants Lily's undivided love and attention. That won't come until Lily decides to leave Bart and Rufus isn't going to wait around for that to happen, if it will ever happen.

"Hey, are you coming or not?" Claire, who has reappeared in the doorway, asks. Rufus turns to face her, breaking out of his thoughts of Lily.

"Yeah…sorry…I'm right behind you," Rufus advances towards the door, setting the bottle of Lily's wine on the counter before snatching his wallet.

"Who was that blonde by the way? She seemed really sad." Rufus suppresses a sigh,

"Oh that was Lily, she is just a friend." _Yeah right, _Rufus thinks to himself as he puts his hand on the small of Claire's back, escorting her out of his building.

Lily arrives back at her empty penthouse, clutching _Pretty in Pink _close to her. She is mulling over what Rufus said to her. He has every right to protect himself even if it is from her. The truth, which she will never admit to anyone, especially Rufus, is he makes her feel safe. Ironically enough, he somewhat already pointed that out to her before she even realized it.

With Rufus, she doesn't have to be anyone but herself. Bart could never comprehend the lengths she goes to in order to appear like the perfect Upper East Side wife. In reality, all Lily wants to do is run away to Brooklyn to be with Rufus, but she can't. Lily promised Serena that she would keep her distance from Rufus and attempt to make things work with Bart. For now, as much as Lily hates it, she has to be Mrs. Bass when all she wants to be is Mrs. Humphrey.

She gazes down at the DVD, picturing what could have been. Right now, she and Rufus would be watching the movie together on his couch, maybe cuddling under a blanket. She wouldn't have to think about her marriage to Bart because she would be too preoccupied with Rufus. Lily's smile crumbles, she isn't with Rufus, and she isn't with Bart, she is alone. She puts the movie down and heads upstairs to take a bath before going to sleep.

"_By the way, no matter what you wear, you look fantastic."_

Jenny bounces ahead of Rufus into the cab; she can't wait to tease her father about what she just witnessed between him and Lily. Jenny turns her head to look at Rufus who is sliding into the car after her; he still has that dopey grin on plastered on his face ever since Lily came down in that revealing dress she made for Serena. Also, Jenny notices that her father wasn't right behind her when they left the penthouse, he must have stayed back to talk to Lily.

"Dad, what did you say to Lily after I left?" Jenny offhandedly asks while the taxi starts moving back to their loft. Rufus swivels his head to look at his daughter, her eyes bright with wonder.

"Nothing, I just told her that she looked nice in the dress you made." Rufus settles for half of the truth, he didn't say those words exactly, but Jenny doesn't need to know that. Jenny rolls her eyes dramatically,

"Clearly, dad you were practically undressing Lily with your eyes." Rufus vigorously shakes his head back and forth,

"I was not!"

"It's okay dad, chill. Lily was too, why do you think I made up that shoe excuse?" Rufus shrugs, he didn't think of that until now. Jenny is more observant than he gives her credit for, or it might have been so blatantly obvious that she felt uncomfortable and had to escape.

"Thanks for that, it gave Lily and I a chance to catch up."

"You like Lily don't you?" Jenny gives her father a mischievous grin, already knowing the answer to that question. Rufus has to tread carefully, he doesn't want to admit something that he shouldn't, but he does want to be honest with his daughter.

"I do Jenny, I like Lily a lot."

"Do you love her?" Rufus shifts uncomfortably in his seat, that is a loaded question filled with twenty years of history between him and Lily.

"It's complicated…Lily's with Bart..." Rufus provides Jenny with more of an excuse than the actual answer. He knows this, but that doesn't change the circumstance of their situation. He meant what he said to Lily a while back about not being her safety net anymore, he is done fighting for her. That doesn't mean he doesn't care for her deeply to the point of loving her, nevertheless they just can't be together right now.

"I think she loves you too," Jenny says and rests her head on her father's shoulder. The remainder of the ride back to Brooklyn is in silence, leaving Rufus to ponder what Jenny just said to him.

Lily hears the elevator doors close behind Jenny and Rufus. She is beyond grateful she was wearing this dress with the plunging neckline when Rufus decided to stop by. _Oh, _the way he was looking at her is something that she will always treasure. The love coupled with a tint of lust just reaffirms her love for him. If Lily wasn't married to Bart and Jenny hadn't of been there, she is confident that Rufus would have her against the wall by now or they would already be upstairs. Instead, once again, she is in an empty penthouse and married to a man who is married to his company. A huge part of Lily wishes that she never made a promise to Serena last year, and she would have just selfishly followed her heart to be with Rufus. She couldn't though; Lily cares too much about her children to see them unhappy even if it is at the cost of her own happiness. Maybe she is just using that as an excuse because she is scared to risk her society standing to be with Rufus or perhaps a small part of her wants to make things work with Bart to provide her kids with stability. She doesn't know and she shouldn't make any rash decisions until she figures it out. Lily realizes she hasn't moved since Rufus and Jenny left so she turns on her heels, heading upstairs to slip off the dress and return it to Serena's closet, maybe with a thank you note attached.

"_Hey, what are you doing here?" "Oh, I don't know, it's Thanksgiving and I don't know any where that felt more like home."_

Rufus doesn't ask Lily why she isn't with Bart because she won't want to talk about it right now. The last thing he wants to do is push her and make her upset, especially in front of their kids. Instead, they cook together, exchanging smiles at each other when they look up from the food they are making. Rufus makes a note to ask her about it after dinner, when the kids have gone off to do their own thing, she is more likely to open up then.

To outsiders, their dinner could be perceived as husband and wife having dinner with their kids, if Vanessa was swapped out for Serena. Throughout the meal, Rufus and Lily would accidently brush up against each other. Polite apologies would be exchanged and then they would retreat to their respective sides. At one point, Rufus sets his hand on Lily's thigh while she is chatting with Dan. She doesn't break her conversation with his son and places her free hand on top of his, giving it a gentle squeeze.

When dinner is over, Eric, Jenny, Dan and Vanessa disappear in Dan's room to watch a foreign film. Lily moves to sit on the couch while Rufus goes to get them some wine. He hands her a half poured glass before sitting down next to her.

"Thank you for taking Eric and I in, dinner was really nice," Lily smiles at him shyly. Rufus swallows his gulp of wine and drapes his arm over the couch.

"It's no problem, although I am curious, how did you end up here?" Rufus hates to pry in her life, but he is concerned about her. Lily sighs and bends her elbow to brush her fingers across her forehead.

"Eric for some reason was in the safe and found some files. Apparently, Bart has compiled rather large files on me and the kids. You should see them Rufus, they are incredibly detailed." His eyes broaden; he wasn't expecting that, this only intensifies his worry.

"I'm sorry Lil, what are you going to do?"

"Well, I am going to burn my file and I guess I should talk to him. Although, I don't know what possible explanation he has for spying on me and the kids."

"I wish you luck Lil," Lily smiles at him and uses her hand to rub his arm.

"Thank you, Eric and I should probably get home. Eric!" Lily yells and sets her glass on the coffee table before getting off the couch. Rufus follows suit and escorts her to the door.

"You are welcome here anytime Lily," Rufus tells her sincerely. Eric steps out of Dan's room, but hangs back when he sees his mom and Rufus talking.

"Thank you Rufus," Lily wraps her arms around him, bringing him in for a hug. Rufus reciprocates, rubbing her back briefly before separating. Eric approaches them and smiles at Rufus. Lily opens the loft door and Eric steps out first. Lily turns to wink at Rufus and closes the door behind her.

"_I let you go on your wedding day because I was afraid I couldn't give you what you needed, I wasn't sure what I needed. And I have regretted it every day since."_

Lily raises her eyebrows at Rufus' confession. She isn't sure why she asked him to 'tell me something you shouldn't', maybe because she has formally made the decision to leave Bart. She can't wait around for Bart to want to be her husband anymore, it's not fair. Lily is divorcing Bart for her, not Rufus. Although she wants to be with Rufus, she needs some time to herself to regroup. Dragging herself and her kids into another relationship right away isn't necessarily a good idea, even if it is with Rufus. Out of the corner of Lily's eye, she catches Charles looking at her and Rufus with disgust etched into his features. Her eyes flicker over to Rufus, he frowns when he sees Chuck. Lily excuses herself to go talk to him, leaving Rufus by himself.

Rufus watches Lily leave and sighs heavily. He is hoping that he didn't just shoot himself in the foot telling her how much he regretted his decision of letting her go again. He wanted to tell her he loved her, he really did, but it wouldn't have been the right time. Lily needs to make a clean break from Bart because she wants to, not because he wants her to.

Lily goes off to speak to Chuck, or rather defend herself to Chuck. Apparently Bart is coming because Chuck told him that she is here with Rufus. _Great that_ is just what she needs is Chuck's meddling. God forbid Bart creates a scene or comes after Rufus for something that has nothing to do with him.

Lily leaves Chuck and Rufus, heading downstairs and blending in with the crowd. She needs a few moments to collect herself before Bart arrives. She doesn't have the energy to go toe-to-toe with him in public; hopefully it won't come to that. Her phone rings in her clutch, causing Lily to answer her cell. When she ends the call, Lily feels numb. She needs to find Serena and explain to her what happened.

Rufus glares at Chuck who sneers right back at him. No wonder Rufus' kids hate the youngest Bass, they have every reason to. Chuck is getting involved in something that is bigger than him and a lot more complicated than he realizes. Rufus needs to find Lily and make sure that she is okay before leaving. He doesn't want to be here when Bart arrives, Rufus is afraid of what he might say to him. Plus, Lily needs to have a conversation with Bart that Rufus shouldn't be a part of. Rufus heads downstairs and spots Dan, but not Serena or Lily.

"Dan! Do you know where Lily is? Have you seen her?" Rufus asks, trying to shout over the music.

"She came to talk to Serena and asked where Chuck is. Apparently Bart has been in some kind of accident. Lily and Serena took off; I don't know if they are still here." Rufus is shocked and leaves Dan to walk over to coat check, hoping that Lily is still there. He isn't sure what he would say to her if she is, but he just wants to make sure she knows that he is there for her. He spots Lily in the corner, trying to get her coat on and to comfort Serena. She is worried, but attempting to stay calm for Serena's sake.

"Rufus! Thank god," Lily abandons her coat and rushes over to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. Rufus is immediately hugging her and whispering comforts in her ear.

"Do you want me to come with you?" He asks, knowing that she is going to turn him down.

"No, but thank you," she steps back when Serena walks over to them carrying Lily's coat. Rufus takes it from Serena and slides it over Lily's shoulders.

"Lil, call me if you need me," Rufus tells her. Lily brushes a kiss to his cheek,

"I will," with that, she is gone.

"_Just tell me one thing, is it a boy or a girl?"_

This shouldn't have happened; they were supposed to go away together, they were supposed to be together. Lily doesn't even have to ask Rufus where he heard that from, she can't believe her mother would tell him. She explicitly told CeCe not to meddle in her relationship with Rufus and to keep this secret.

Out of all the things Lily has done to him, this is far and away the worst. They have a child together, that she kept from him for twenty years. Why? Rufus understands that they were young back then, but he would have still liked to have known.

Lily's smile evaporates and she shakes her head. There is nothing to say to Rufus to make him understand how difficult keeping this secret, keeping their child from him has been.

"I'm sorry Rufus," Lily mumbles, as if that will fix everything and starts walking past him. She needs to leave, _now. _She can't stand here in uncomfortable silence with Rufus staring at her like she broke his heart. Rufus catches her walking away and reaches out to stop her. Lily is frightened for a second, but backs up slightly to face him.

"We… have a child together?" Rufus whispers, bypassing her apology for a moment, they can discuss that later. Lily nods feebly, she knows Rufus is going to hate her even more when she can't answer any of the questions he is about to ask. "Where is our child? Is it a boy? Girl? Who has our child now?"

"I…can't tell you, I'm sorry. I gave our child up and that was it. The only thing I know is that our child was adopted in Boston. I need to go, have a good Christmas Rufus." Lily yanks her arm out of Rufus' hand and walks away with her luggage in tow.

Rufus watches Lily go and realizes that he can never be with her, not after this. He doesn't think he can forgive her for doing this to him. A couple hours ago they were planning on spending Christmas together in Cornwall, now he despises her for what she did. Rufus has to wonder what would have happened if CeCe never came to see him. How long would Lily have kept this a secret? He needs to find his child, but he doesn't know how. Lily didn't really give him much to go on, he doesn't even know his, _their _child's gender. Rufus walks out of Grand Central Station, he needs the walk back to Brooklyn to think. He is glad that he sent Dan and Jenny to Hudson; he couldn't go back and face them right now. He decides the best thing to do is go to Boston without Lily to attempt to locate their child.

Lily takes a cab back to the penthouse and frowns as her luggage is being handed to her. She quietly thanks the driver and takes the elevator up. When she arrives back at the penthouse, it's empty. Serena is in Buenos Aires with her new boyfriend and Eric is…somewhere. Lily takes her bags upstairs and sets them on the bed, bursting into tears in the process. Lily feels so hurt by what her mother did; CeCe ruined her relationship with Rufus again. She was going to tell Rufus at the right time, now she doesn't have to because they will never be together and it is her fault.

"_I guess a part of me never gave up on the fact that we would finally come together eventually, but maybe we weren't meant to be a family."_

Rufus takes in what Lily says and unlocks the door to his loft. He swings it open to find his and Lily's kids sitting there, waiting for them. Rufus and Lily step into the loft as the kids stare at them, watching to see what they do next. Lily glances over at Rufus, thinking the same thing he is. They intertwine hands, showing their kids that they are indeed together in every sense of the word.

"So…are you two…a couple now?" Serena asks, being the first one to speak up.

"Yes, if that's okay with you guys," Lily says for her and Rufus. Serena tries not to be upset by this news, it wouldn't be fair. She told her mother to follow her heart and be with Rufus. However, Serena is still trying to navigate her relationship with Dan and their parents' being together isn't making it any easier. Eric and Jenny nod, they are happy to see their parents' finally become a couple. Dan and Serena aren't exactly jumping for joy over the news, but they will manage.

"What happened in Boston besides the obvious?" Dan asks, regretting it immediately when he sees Lily's face fall. Rufus breaks contact with their hands to rub her back.

"Well…our son, your half brother Andrew, died in an accident." Rufus says for Lily.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Dan says. Lily compels a smile onto her face,

"It's okay, at least we found out who he was. Now, Serena and Eric, I would like to go home. Are you coming or staying here?" Lily asks her kids.

"We are going now; we will see you at home." Eric hugs Jenny while Serena kisses Dan goodbye.

"I'll see you in the morning with a bone dry cappuccino for Yale day." Dan says to Serena who kisses him again before leaving with her brother. Dan and Jenny say goodbye to Lily and head into their own rooms.

"Come back with me Rufus," Lily says, grasping his hand once again. Rufus squeezes it, his thumb gliding over her knuckles.

"Are you sure? I don't want to move to fast."

"I am positive," Lily twines her arms around his neck, pulling him in for a deep kiss. Rufus instinctively moans and slips his tongue into her mouth. They pull apart a minute later, gazing at each other with kiss swollen lips.

"Okay, let me just tell the kids." Rufus separates from her to knock on Dan's door. He tells Dan that he is taking Lily back to the penthouse and then repeats it to Jenny. Lily is waiting and holding her bags with a gigantic smile on her face. She is so ecstatic that even if she didn't mean to, she told Rufus that she still loved him. Lily is thrilled that Rufus reciprocated her feelings and they were able to come together. Rufus swiftly walks toward her, wrapping his arms around her back to kiss her once more.

"What was that for?" Lily asks teasingly. Rufus gives her an adorable boyish grin,

"I did that because I can now." Lily quirks an eyebrow at Rufus and bites her lip.

"Hmmm…I guess that's a good enough reason." Rufus throws an arm around her, gently pushing her towards the door of the loft.

"I love you," He whispers against her blonde tresses, dropping a kiss there as Lily swings the door open.

"I love you too, let's go," Lily smirks at him and yanks on his hand, pulling him out into the hallway.

"_Rufus!" "Oh my god, Lily!"_

Rufus rushes towards her, not caring about anyone else in the room. She looks terrified and he can feel her shaking when he swathes his arm around her waist. Her makeup is smeared, dress wrinkled and hair is spilling out of her once elegant bun. He bypasses the prying eyes trying to assess Lily, looking to see how she is holding up. Lily has her head held high, trying to focus on putting one foot in front of the other. She is not going to have a breakdown in public, not in front of all of these people. Rufus guides her into the town car that pulls outside of the opera. He shuts the door and rounds the limo, sliding in next to her. Lily isn't saying anything, just clutching his blazer firmly; her head nestled on his shoulder.

Rufus doesn't know what to do; he has never seen Lily like this before. The car pulls to a stop fifteen minutes later in front of the apartment complex. Rufus severs contact with her to go to the other side, easing her out of the limo. Lily winces slightly and captures his hand, holding onto it tightly. Lily gets one foot into the penthouse and completely unravels.

Rufus sweeps her off her feet and carries her upstairs, his heart breaking when her body racks with sobs against his chest. Rufus is at a loss for words, he can't tell her everything is okay, nothing about what Jack did to her is okay.

He swings the door of her bedroom with his foot and lowers her onto the bed. Lily reaches for him, pulling her onto him until he is pressed against her. Rufus flips them over so she is crying into his neck. He reaches up and glides his fingers up and down her sides.

"Lil," Rufus mumbles when Lily's sobs diminish into barely audible whimpers. "Lil, look at me." Lily sniffs and slowly lifts her head up from the crook of his neck.

"I'm sorry Rufus," Lily whispers as another tear tumbles down her porcelain cheek. Rufus cups her cheek, naturally Lily would think what happened _to her _was her fault, that's just who she is.

"Lily you have absolutely nothing to apologize for. You are not a weaker person for what Jack did _to you._" Rufus emphasizes those words to make her see that she couldn't have foreseen or prevented what Chuck's uncle did in any way.

"Thank you for being here." Rufus clasps both of her hands,

"Don't thank me Lily, I love you." Lily gives him a crooked smile and wipes her eyes,

"I love you too Rufus." Lily can tell that Rufus is hesitant to kiss her; he doesn't want to scare her. She leans down and stamps a kiss to his lips, briefly.

"Do you want to take a shower?" Lily nods and slides off of him, following him into the bathroom. She hates the fact that she can't stand being alone even for a second. Rufus turns after he starts the water; Lily has her arms wrapped around herself tightly and she is rocking on her heels slightly. He walks over to her and gently pries her arms off of her shoulders, swallowing a lump in his throat when her eyes become glassy with tears again.

"Damn it, I-I…don't want to be this way. I can still hear him yelling in my ear, sense him on my skin. I-I feel so helpless," Lily squeaks out the last word and swipe away tears in frustration.

"Lil, honey, I promise you will feel better soon, I just don't know when that's going to be. Do you want me to help you with your dress?"

"Just um…unzip it for me please," Lily twists around and holds up whatever hair is still tied in her chignon. Rufus lowers the zipper, placing a tender kiss on her shoulder blade when he is done. They both get undressed and step into the shower together. Rufus assists Lily in washing away the night that Jack tainted for them. Their day started out great with Rufus unsuccessfully attempting to sneak out, scaring their kids away so he could spend some time alone with Lily over breakfast, learning opera for her, and then debuting at the opera as a couple. Jack had to ruin it for them by getting high and attempting to rape Lily. Rufus is grateful to Chuck for intervening when he did, he doesn't want to think of the alternative.

Lily reaches behind her to shut off the shower. Rufus smiles at her and bends down to kiss her, relieved when her face lights up just for a second. His hand sneaks out of the shower to grab them some towels, swaddling Lily in hers before wrapping his around his waist. Rufus knits their fingers together and escorts Lily to her enormous closet he always likes to tease her about. Rufus changes into his pajamas first and climbs into Lily's bed.

"Come to bed, I'm cold without you," Rufus says as he is pulling up her covers.

"Sorry what did you say? I couldn't hear you from inside my _enormous _closet," Lily jokes as she slides into bed next to Rufus. He beams at her, thrilled to see her messing around again.

"Goodnight Lily, I love you."

"Night, I love you too."

"…_When you saw the condensed version, you said you were relieved. So, I think we found out everything we needed to know about each other."_

Rufus glares at her and slams his Chinese food down on the tray. Lily watches him angrily storm past her, a frown making its way onto her face. Rufus warned her that dragging the past up again was going to be dangerous for them, but she didn't listen. She stubbornly forced him into making lists and she couldn't even be honest with him about it. Honestly, she was scared that Rufus would take one peek at her list and perceive her as a social climbing slut. The truth is half those men on her list were a way of getting over Rufus. She slept, dated or married one of those men because she thought they would fill the void Rufus left in her, they were a way of making her feel whole again. Now that she is finally with Rufus, she has a hard time opening up to him. She constantly scrutinizes their relationship, trying to prevent herself from screwing it up, but she ends up doing that anyway.

Rufus waves hi to Vanya on the way out of Lily's penthouse. He is beyond hurt and frustrated that Lily lied to him. She should know by now that there is no judging on his part, obviously she doesn't. He didn't mean to make her feel embarrassed about the discrepancy in their lists, they just led different lives. He was married to Alison for 18 years and she has been married four times. Did he criticize her without even meaning to?

"Thanks," Rufus mumbles to the man holding the door open for him at Murphy's, a bar located a few blocks from the penthouse. He slumps into a barstool, causing the bartender to walk over to him.

"You look like you could use a drink," the bartender tells Rufus, stepping to the side so Rufus can see all of the beverage options.

"Scotch, make it a double." He waits patiently for the bartender to come back with his drink, racking his brain over what went wrong with Lily tonight.

"Lady troubles?" The bartender asks, sliding the tumbler on top of a napkin over to Rufus. Rufus usually doesn't talk to complete strangers about his problems, but talking to a fellow man could be cathartic.

"I think that even though I was right, I might have been wrong too." Rufus keeps the details vague, he isn't about to admit more than he should. The bartender gives him a smug grin,

"Let me tell you something, even if you are one hundred and ten percent right, you still have to apologize. It's not fair, but with women it never is." Rufus mutters a pitiful thank you and the bartender attends to his next customer.

Lily keeps looking up from her book, hoping that Rufus will come back. She scoffs, she is being ridiculous. Rufus isn't going to show up, not after acknowledging that she lied to him. The only thing left to do is left Rufus lick his wounds and she will go to the loft tomorrow to talk to him.

Rufus swallows his drink and thinks about what Lily is doing right now. Most likely, she is curled up by the fireplace with a book. That sparks an idea in his head; he knows so much about her that he could use it to his advantage.

"Hey, do you have a pen I could borrow?" Rufus asks once the bartender comes back his way.

"Sure, are you going to write your girl an apology letter?" The bartender asks and flicks a pen in Rufus' direction.

"Yeah, something like that," Rufus starts compiling a list of everything that he knows and loves about Lily. _Romance novels, Sonoma cabernets, Christmas tree ornaments, Italian cookbooks, Casablanca lilies, silk pajamas and sitting by the fire, seven things that make her happy, sad or crazy, she is going to love it. _Rufus takes the napkin with him and slaps his tab on the counter.

"Good luck!" The bartender shouts as he sees Rufus leaving. Rufus clutches the napkin his hand, he wants to get back to the penthouse as soon as possible.

"_What is all of this?" "That…um…was a big mistake."_

Rufus leaves her alone for the second time. They were doing so well after the minor list incident a while back. He was going to propose to her and he knew that she going to say yes. Now the ring weighs on him, no longer a reminder of the happy future they could have had together. He resists the urge to toss it into a garbage can he sees as he is heading out of Lily's apartment complex, but he can't. He still loves her and wants to marry her; however, that doesn't excuse what she did.

Lily walks into the dining room, seeing the candles and flowers Rufus had all set out for them shatters her heart. He was going to propose, she could sense it in her bones. Lily could just picture him now fidgeting uncontrollably in his seat, finally working up the nerve to ask her. Of course she would say yes, she loves him enough to get married for the fifth time because she is sure that it would be her last marriage. However, things didn't work out the way they wanted for them and it is, once again, her fault. She was honestly trying to help him even though she knew he wouldn't want it, his pride would never allow it. She could see how he would be a little put off when she admitted that she had Serena arrested, but said he sounded exactly like her mother. He of all people knows how much that comment would be an insult to her. She shut down and he walked away.

Rufus doesn't know how he is going to explain this to Dan and Jenny. They gave their blessing and were elated that their father was going to propose to Lily. Together, Rufus' kids pooled their money together to buy him a ring. It doesn't matter anymore because he isn't sure of what's going to happen between him and Lily. He can't be with her when she does things like what she did to Serena. All that reminds him of is her mother who he despises. He can't have Lily turn into CeCe; he won't be married to someone like that.

_I have to fix this; _Lily thinks to herself and takes a sip of her wine. She doesn't know if she can though, that's the problem. She made her decision to have her daughter arrested and can't take it back no matter what.

Rufus shuffles his feet at the entrance of the loft. He doesn't want to see his kids, their expectations are too high. In a way, Rufus feels like a failure, he couldn't even propose to Lily without getting into a fight with her. He isn't sure if he was being too harsh on her, he could tell the second he compared her to CeCe their conversation was over. He couldn't stay, he had no reason to the damage was already done. A heavy sigh escapes from Rufus' mouth as he swings open the door to the loft, his kids eagerly waiting for him on the couch.

"_Marry me Lily, marry me. I know that will make me your…uh…your fifth husband. So?"_

She didn't even have to think about it, she knew that she loved him and would love to be his wife.

"Yes," Lily whispers, a smile playing on her face.

"Give me your hand," Rufus mutters. Lily holds out her left hand, beaming when he slips the wounded up Lincoln Hawk bracelet onto her nimble fingers. "Come here." Lily leans forward to mesh her lips with his. They start out slow, taking the time to enjoy their first kiss as an engaged couple. Rufus is the first to separate, walking over and sitting on the couch next to her, gathering her into his arms.

"I love it," Lily puts her hand palm up, wiggling her ring finger back and forth. Rufus cups his hand over hers, leaning in to kiss her cheek.

"I thought it suited the occasion." Lily turns to twine her arms around his neck and looks at the bright yellow band adorning her finger.

"Hmmm…it does, I am guessing you returned the other ring?" Rufus' eyes broaden, but then relax when he realizes that she knew he was going to propose. He gives her a sheepish grin,

"Sorry Lil, I want to buy you another one."

"Oh Rufus, you don't have to, this makeshift Lincoln Hawk ring is perfect."

"No arguments, we are going ring shopping tomorrow."

"Fine, can I still keep this one though?" Lily juts her lip out before removing her arms and turning to tuck her head in Rufus' neck, planting a kiss on the side of it briefly.

"Of course you can Lil; it's my gift to you." Lily giggles which is something Rufus finds utterly adorable. She is still stoned and he is slightly too. Hopefully they will both remember their engagement in the morning.

"We're engaged." Lily whispers as if it just dawned on her now. Rufus tilts his head to scrunch his eyebrows at her,

"Uh…yeah...you did just say yes to me marrying you didn't you?"

"I couldn't hear you fully and thought you were asking if I wanted more beer. This is awkward…" Rufus nips at her ear while Lily's musical laughter reverberates around the loft. "I'm kidding Rufus; I love you and can't wait to be Mrs. Humphrey."

"Lily Humphrey does sound better than Lily Bass, but I am slightly biased here." Lily melts into his chest, feeling secure when his arms reach around to encompass her.

"How are we going to tell the kids? And my mother…" Lily bites back a laugh when she hears Rufus swear softly.

"The kids we can tell tomorrow or when we get you an actual ring, it's your choice. CeCe on the other hand is your problem."

"No, we are getting married, what's mine is yours and vice versa. Sadly, that includes my mother."

"Send her an email then, but wait until after the wedding. She is less likely to murder me if we are already husband and wife."

"That would defeat the whole purpose of her coming to the wedding Rufus."

"Can we not talk about CeCe anymore? You are killing the mood." Lily turns to capture her lips with his. Rufus moans into her mouth and rakes his fingers through her silky blonde strands. Lily moves to straddle him, feeling Rufus rest his hands on her hips. Their lips disconnect with a loud smack and Lily starts moving her hands down his chest. Rufus drapes both arms around her back, slowly standing up with her attached. Lily gets the hint and twines her legs securely to his waist. Kisses are volleyed back and forth as they make their way to Rufus' bedroom. Rufus kicks the door closed with his foot and carefully places Lily on the bed, lowering himself down to her.

"Hmmm…you might have to remind me that we are engaged tomorrow," Lily whispers before reaching up to place sloppy kisses on his shoulder blades. Rufus scoffs,

"Like I would ever let you forget. Face it sweetheart, you are stuck with me now." Rufus compresses her laugh with his lips.

"I wouldn't want it any other way."

**A/N 2: I was feeling nostalgic and wanted to reflect on my favorite season of **_**Gossip Girl. **_**I am thinking about doing another thing like this for season three, but I'm not sure. As always, let me know by reviewing and thanks for reading! I will be working on the sequel to **_**Clean Slate **_**very soon!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews, I love them. This chapter starts before season three begins and involves my favorite moments of that season between Rufus and Lily. I think I should rate the chapter M, just to be safe. Enjoy!**

Rufus turns over in bed, his eyes fluttering open when he realizes that Lily isn't sleeping beside him. His hand brushes over the divot in the sheets, wondering where his fiancé could have ran off to at two in the morning. He throws back the blankets and steps out of the bedroom, trying to be as quiet as possible so he won't wake up Dan, Jenny or Eric.

Things between him and Lily have been going great ever since they got engaged a few weeks ago. They decided to take refuge in the Hamptons for the summer to spend time with the family and plan their upcoming wedding. However, Rufus has noticed that Lily has been acting different, no, distant would be a better term. She's been tired constantly, making secret phone calls and just not being her usual self.

Rufus goes down the stairs and finds Lily facing away from him, sipping on a drink while staring out the window. She sniffs loudly and wipes her eyes, still not noticing Rufus standing behind her. Rufus is immediately concerned; he walks over to Lily, placing a hand on her back. Lily jumps slightly and turns to face Rufus, resting her head on his shoulder. Rufus' arms wrap around her, giving her a few minutes to collect herself before they talk.

Lily knows that she is going to have to tell Rufus something, he won't let her walk away without an explanation, but she can't tell him the truth. She isn't sure what that is yet, she could be sick, she might be healthy. If she tells him what she is planning on doing, he will want to come with her, or even worse, try to stop her. The best thing to do right now until she knows for sure what is happening in her body is to lie. Even if she despises herself for it, it's the right thing to do…at least she thinks so.

"Lil, whatever it is, you can tell me." And _oh_ does she want to, but she can't allow herself to become a burden to him, she needs time to process the potential situation before letting him in fully. She pulls her head back from his shoulder and she puts on her best poker face.

"Rufus…I got a call from my mother…she's sick." Lily looks up at him, watching him buy her deception. His arms coil around her instantly, unintentionally providing comfort and reassurance for her lie. Her eyes fill with tears again, only this time it's not because she is scared for herself, but guilty for what she is doing to Rufus, someone who trusts her implicitly.

"I'm sorry sweetheart," _I should be saying that to you, Rufus. _"What do you want to do?" He swipes away a tear tumbling down her cheek with the pad of his thumb. Lily rarely ever cries in front of him making Rufus think that she must really be worried about CeCe.

"Um…I should go be with her as soon as possible. I think I have to pack and leave tomorrow. I'm so sorry Rufus." Rufus' eyebrows spurt together,

"Lil, why are you apologizing?" Lily swallows and rests her hands in the bend of his arms. _For pretending that my mother is sick, for going to see my ex-husband behind your back and for every lie that I tell you until you find out the truth on your own. _

"This wasn't how our summer was supposed to go. And I feel bad for leaving you in charge of the kids." Rufus shrugs,

"I know it's not exactly what we had in mind, but Lil, CeCe is sick. Unless she is just faking it for attention," Rufus jokes, just to get her to smile slightly.

"With my mother you never know." Lily yawns, removing her hand from the crook of Rufus' arm to stifle it.

"Come on, let's go to bed, we can figure this out in the morning." Rufus stamps a kiss to her lips and rests his hand on the small of her back, gently pushing her upstairs.

"_Well it took twenty years, but we finally made it." "Well, I wouldn't have done it any other way."_

Lily and Rufus smile at each other while they are twirling around his loft, marking their official dance as husband and wife. She couldn't be more excited to be Mrs. Humphrey; it's something that she has wanted for a long time. Her eyes flicker over to Rufus, who is now her husband, drinking in every detail of him. She loves the way his green eyes twinkle every time he gets excited about something, and the dopey grin he wears when he is truly happy, like now.

"Lil?" His husky voice captures her attention. She tilts her head to lock eyes with him, a wide grin spreading across her mouth.

"Yes, my darling?" Lily reaches up to rake her fingers through his hair, another feature of his that she adores.

"I'm going to spin you around in a second, look at our kids," Rufus whispers in her ear, his breath spilling onto her bare shoulder. Lily's eyes briefly sweep over Jenny and Eric, who are smiling at them, almost as happy as her and Rufus are to finally be married after such a hectic day.

The song ends and Rufus lets go of Lily's hand, bringing his arms around her waist. Lily cuddles into him for a brief moment, letting his signature scent swaddle her.

"We should probably go be social," Lily whispers even though she wants to stay like this with her husband. Rufus sighs against her, mimicking her exact feeling.

"Alright, if I have to let you go I will," Lily detaches from him, placing a lingering kiss to the corner of his mouth.

"I promise we will get our alone time later."

"I know, I love you Mrs. Humphrey," _God, does she love hearing that, especially from Rufus. _Rufus walks past her, but Lily snags his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"I love you too, Rufus," She lets his hand slip out of hers, tracking him as he walks over to his daughter, asking her to dance. Lily gazes around the room, spotting Scott chatting with Dan. She grins slightly, advancing toward them and asks Scott to dance with her.

An hour later, most of the guests have left, except for Lily, Rufus, Scott, Jenny and Dan. Most of them are eating the wedding cake on the couch, except for Lily who is nestled in Rufus' lap.

"So, what's next?" Jenny asks and then shoves a bite of cake into her mouth.

"Well, you and I are moving into Lily's place starting tomorrow," Rufus answers his daughter.

"Oh please, now that we are married, it's both of our places," Lily interjects. The couple exchange loving looks at each other with Rufus stamping a kiss on the crown of her head.

"Wait, you guys aren't going on a honeymoon or anything?" Dan asks. Lily shrugs and readjusts a little in Rufus' arms.

"I don't know, now is not really a good time, with CeCe being sick," Rufus answers for her, unaware of the guilt flashing across her features. She still hasn't told him the truth, but now is not the time, not on their wedding day, they are so content and she doesn't want to be responsible for ruining that.

"Well, I think since you guys aren't having a honeymoon, you at least deserve a night alone. Come on guys, let's give my dad and Lily some privacy," Dan tells his siblings, patting Scott on the shoulder. Jenny, Dan and Scott mutter their congratulations and leave the loft. Lily stands up, leaving the comfort of Rufus' arms. Rufus gets up as well and picks her off her feet, catching Lily's gasp of surprise with his lips. He uses one of his hands that are holding Lily to open the door while she is scattering kisses on his cheek, jaw and neck.

"I love you," Rufus whispers as he lowers her on the bed. Lily automatically reaches for him, watching while he fumbles with the straps of her magenta dress.

"I love you too Rufus."

_"Hmm…coming to bed?" "Yeah in a minute, uh…Vanya said there is something to sign for Bass Industries."_

Rufus releases his hold on Lily and they separate. Rufus goes upstairs to undress while Lily stays down. She walks over to the desk, flicks on the lamp and rounds the corner of the furniture. Sitting down, Lily grabs her reading glasses, putting them on before grabbing the pile of mail she needs to sift through. Lily sighs, as much as she loves helping her son run the company, she is usually left with the tidy paperwork that needs to be done by someone. However, the letter on top of her stack has her daughter's name scribbled on it. Lily does a double take, _oh shit. _The letter is from none other than William Van der Woodsen, Lily's first ex-husband. Her mouth flings open, what the hell is she going to do? Lily doesn't even need to open that letter; she already has a pretty good idea of what is written inside. Of course William would try an end around with Serena after Lily stopped communicating with him that is so like William.

More importantly, how is she going to explain this to Rufus? This letter could be their undoing if he finds it. She can't tell him about this yet, she has to hide it. Lily purses her lips; this letter is just another thing she is keeping from her husband who doesn't deserve any of it. Speaking of Rufus, he is waiting for her to come join him in bed. Lily slides out of her chair, clutching the letter firmly in her hand. She sneaks upstairs into Rufus' office and unlocks the safe. Lily puts the letter inside and quickly closes it. Even though everyone in the family has the combination to the safe, Rufus won't look in there unless he has a reason to. Hopefully, Lily gets the courage to come clean to him before he discovers the letter. She walks over to their bedroom, a smile chasing across her mouth when she sees Rufus in their bed, flipping through a magazine.

"Hey," Lily whispers, hovering in the doorway. Rufus pops his head up from his magazine and sets it on the nightstand beside him.

"Hi, did you get your papers signed?" Rufus asks, patting the bed beside him. Lily sits on the edge of the bed, focusing on the comforter. "Lil?" She severs her staring contest to meet his concerned eyes.

"What? I'm sorry did you say something?" He furrows his eyebrows, something is off with her. They seemed to be on the same page downstairs fifteen minutes ago, what could have changed between now and then?

"Are you okay? You seem really distracted for some reason." Lily shakes her head; she needs to pull herself together if she is going to keep this ruse up because Rufus is starting to get suspicious.

"I'm fine, I just…I'm tired…" Lily shoots him a convincing smile, inching toward his lips. Rufus cups her cheek, meshing their lips together. Lily smiles against his mouth, crossing her arms around his neck.

"Why don't you get out of this dress and slip into something more comfortable?" Rufus asks teasingly, pushing the sweater off of her shoulders.

"Okay, I'll be back," Lily uncrosses her arms and splashes a hand on his cheek. She plants a chaste kiss on his lips and walks into their closet. Lily grabs a silk nightgown, easing it over her head. For as culpable as she feels about lying to him, Lily isn't able to bring herself to correct it. She keeps excusing herself, telling herself that this isn't the right time, but it never will be. Unfortunately, Lily is aware that the only way Rufus will find out what she did with William this summer is not because of her. Lily tugs on her nightgown, making sure it is pulled down all the way before rejoining Rufus in their bed, squashing down the guilt with every passing step.

_"I need time to figure this out, away from you." "Oh Rufus please, would you come back home so we can…so we can work this out."_

Lily hears the elevator doors close, she knows Rufus is gone and he isn't coming back any time soon. She can't believe how bad things spiraled out of control. Lily isn't blaming Rufus at all; this fight was all on her. She just wishes Rufus wasn't so stubborn sometimes and listen to what she had to say instead of jumping to his own conclusions. Rufus didn't owe her anything though, except the right to hear her out. Although, Lily would probably just end up lying to him again which for some reason is a knee jerk reaction for her. It takes every fiber in her being not to run after her husband, but there is nothing left to say. She admitted to kissing William even though that isn't the full truth. Figures, she would give confess to a small piece and not the whole puzzle.

Rufus is still trying to wrap his head around the fact that Lily was able to lie to him right to his face at Thanksgiving. How could she do that to him? How many lies has she told him to cover up this kiss? He needs advice; he doesn't know how to handle this situation with his wife, if he can even call her that right now. The most frustrating about this whole situation is that she had multiple opportunities to tell him about her activities this past summer. He had to find a letter from her ex-husband and confront her about it for her to finally own up to kissing William.

The only problem is that he doesn't really know of anyone that he could confide in. As much as Rufus has assimilated himself into the Upper East Side, he doesn't have that many friends. Sure, he and Lily have acquaintances they see at society galas or fundraisers, but not people you have deep conversations with. Rufus wants someone that doesn't have any ties to Lily, someone that won't run and tell her what he said. For some reason, Holland comes into his mind. She seemed warm and receptive to him at that society meeting he attended in Lily's place. Rufus knows that she lives in the same building as he and Lily, it's worth a shot. He knocks on Holland's door, wondering if this is a mistake.

"Rufus?" Holland asks as she opens the door, a grin making its way on her face.

"Hi, can I come in?" Rufus shoves his hand on his pockets. Holland opens the door wider to let him enter.

Lily sets her empty wine glass down on the coffee table. She exchanges her glass for her phone, dialing her husband. Not surprisingly, he sends her to voicemail.

"Rufus, I know you are mad at me and you have every right to be. I just…" she trails off, her voice cracking like glass, "I want to explain, I owe you that much. I love you and please call me back, bye." Lily hangs up the phone and gets to her feet, heading to their bedroom alone.

"Wow, that is quite a story," Holland says after a long pause.

"Yeah," Rufus scoffs, he doesn't know why, but he feels better after telling Holland about his collapsing marriage. He naively thought that once he and Lily were married, she would change for the better. Obviously, he is dead wrong.

"What are you going to do?" Rufus nibbles on the inside of his cheek, if he knew the answer to that question, he wouldn't be asking.

"I'm not sure, I mean, I love my wife very much, but I'm not ready to forgive her yet. I need time."

"And you should take it, Rufus," Holland cups her hand over his, testing the waters a little. Rufus doesn't pull back, but he tenses in his chair a bit.

"Right, thank you for listening to my problems, I really appreciate it." Rufus stands up; flinging his coat off of the chair it was hanging on. Holland walks him to the door, giving him a hug before letting him go. She returns to the kitchen, spotting Rufus' scarf coiled on the floor. Holland scoops it off the ground, a mischievous grin playing on her face; she could use this to her advantage at the right moment.

"_Jenny and I need some time anyway, maybe when you get back you and I can start all over." "I would love that." "Clean slate?" "Absolutely, clean slate."_

Lily presses a tiny kiss to his lips before Rufus engulfed her in his arms. Her eyes fill with tears, lying to him again tears her apart. She rests her hand on his head, feeling his soft hair seep through the cracks of her fingers. Rufus is the first to break the hug, without warning, not giving Lily the chance to hide her tears. He isn't sure if he should ask, Lily might not want to talk about it right now. Surprisingly, Lily is the first to talk amongst the two of them.

"I'm…uh…" Lily uses the back of her hand to wipe a tear, "I am so glad that we could make up. I really wish I could stay." That isn't a lie, but the reason she has to leave is. Rufus curves his hands around her hips, casting a soft smile in her direction.

"I am too Lil, and I don't want you to go either." He presses her lower back into him, making their lips connect. Lily tastes the familiar scent of him, humming softly. They separate and Lily sets her hands on his shoulders.

"I'm sorry that I am leaving you in charge of the kids again." Rufus shrugs,

"Well…I think I did a pretty good job last time, though Serena did drop out of college." He gives her a coy smile, causing Lily to shake her head and laugh.

"Dan better still be enrolled at NYU by the time I get back." Lily jokes and leans into brush a kiss to his cheek.

"I think my son is going to be okay while you are away, Jenny on the other hand, I'm not so sure." Lily loses her playful demeanor, becoming concerned about her step-daughter.

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm not sure, but don't worry, you just make sure CeCe gets better…or not." Rufus wags his eyebrows up and down impishly.

"Rufus Humphrey!" Lily swats him on the arm, sensing her husband laugh against her lips. Lily kisses him back,

"Seriously though Lil, I am going to miss you. I can't believe your mother is at Canyon Ranch." This comment is accompanied with an eye roll from Lily, mumbling about how ridiculous CeCe is being.

"I'm going to miss you too my darling. I should go back to the penthouse and pack, I promised my mother I would get there as soon as possible. I don't know what that woman would do without me." Lily walks over to grab her coat and Rufus informs Jenny that he is sending Dan over to watch her while he goes with Lily. Lily can hear Jenny mumble a pitiful "whatever". Lily feels bad for Rufus; she knows how much he tries to straighten Jenny out who is constantly rebelling against him. Lily has been there several times with Serena and there is sadly nothing to be done, Rufus is just going to have to wait until Jenny is ready to grow up. Rufus closes Jenny's door, a scowl forming on his face. Lily reaches over to clasp his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. Rufus allows Lily to bring him out of his loft and back to her penthouse.

"_Thank you Rufus, I know William being back is hard for you." "All that matters is you getting better."_

Rufus plants a firm kiss on the top of Lily's head, feeling Lily curl herself further into him. This wasn't what he was expecting when he woke up this morning. Lily is sick, very sick. Rufus is glad that the truth is finally out there, but he didn't want this. He doesn't want William here, treating Lily. Rufus doesn't trust William in the slightest; he is well aware that his motives are never pure. There is always a hidden agenda with William, but figuring it out can't be Rufus' priority. Lily needs him now more than ever whether she wants to admit it or not. He knows that she is scared, he is too. What he doesn't comprehend, is why Lily didn't tell him until now. Why did it take William coming to the penthouse for Lily to fully come clean?

Lily for the first time since last summer is comfortable in her marriage. She doesn't have to hide anything from Rufus anymore, doesn't have to sneak around with William under the pretense that her mother is the one who is ill. Although, Lily isn't exactly sure why William came here to begin with, she is thinking that he wants to build some kind of relationship with Serena and Eric. William better not drive a wedge between her and Rufus, Lily won't allow it. She has finally reached a good and honest place with Rufus for William to try and tear them apart. Lily has a sickening feeling that William being here isn't going to end well, but as much as she hates to acknowledge it, she needs him. Hopefully Rufus will understand that Lily can't prevent William from bonding with her kids and won't make her choose. Rufus isn't like that; he is more concerned with her receiving the best medical treatment possible, even if it is coming from her first ex-husband.

"Rufus?" Lily asks in a tiny voice, moving her head slightly, seeing his face upside down. Rufus rubs her arm, compressing a kiss to her temple.

"Yes Lil?" Lily suddenly breaks their embrace, wanting to look directly at him.

"I am so sorry for everything," Lily whispers, tears pricking the corners of her eyes. Rufus puts his hand on her cheek, offering his wife a malleable smile.

"I know, but that doesn't matter anymore. You did what you did and I don't fully grasp your reasoning behind it, but I do forgive you. We _will _get you better, so don't worry about it okay?" Lily nods, she doesn't deserve him and she knows that.

"Can we go to bed?" Lily gets off of Rufus and holds her hand out for him. She helps pull him up and he throws his arm around her, sweeping a kiss to her blonde locks shimmering in the dim lighting of his office. They cross the hall to their bedroom and get dressed into more comfy clothing. Lily slides in on her side, Rufus on his.

"Come here baby." Rufus hooks his arm around her abdomen, scooting across the bed and into his arms. Lily twists so she facing him, giving him a passionate kiss.

"Do you have any questions?" Lily asks, wanting to give the chance to ask her anything he wants. Rufus chews on his lip. He has so many, but he doesn't want to bombard her with them and make her withdraw. The best thing with Lily is to start out slow, peel away the layers gradually instead of ripping off the bandage.

"Hmm…when did you start noticing something was wrong?" Lily opens her mouth and closes it again; she wasn't expecting Rufus to ask her that. She thought he would have more questions about William than anything else.

"Well…when we were in the Hamptons I just felt…_off. _ I can't really describe it, but I just knew something was wrong. I called Will for a consultation and I thought it was best not to worry you or the kids until I confirmed my suspicions. Will ran some tests, told me the results and treated me. I honestly at that point thought I would never have to see him again after that." Rufus nods, needing a second to process what she is telling him. Sadly, he isn't sure he believes her, it's going to take a while for her to earn back his trust. At least they are taking strides to bridge the gaping chasm between them at the moment.

Lily pulls the covers on her and tucks her head into the curve of Rufus' neck. He skates his hand up and down her back, lulling her to sleep. As frustrated with her as he is, Rufus needs her to get better because he can't imagine what would happen if she didn't.

"…_Lily?" "Please, just for tonight, I need you to sleep at the loft."_

Rufus says her name again, but it doesn't matter. Lily glares at him and he hears her heels click away back toward William, Serena and Eric. There is nothing left for Rufus here, Lily has made her decision and it's unwavering. Rufus heads out of the event, spotting his wife in the coat check, William slipping her pea coat over her shoulders. His eyes slide away, his feet carry him towards an awaiting cab. Rufus mutters the address to his loft in disgust; he should be heading home with his wife, to their home, the penthouse. Lately though, Rufus doesn't feel at home there, not with William here, being more in tune with Lily than Rufus is at the moment. Rufus wishes William would just back off, he is Lily's doctor, not her husband. He had her chance to build a life with her all of those years ago and he walked away. Rufus is here now for Lily and he isn't leaving her, not without giving their marriage everything he has.

Lily, William, Serena and Eric collapse on the couch, exhausted from the Columbia event. Despite William and the kids having a nice time, Lily's thoughts keep drifting to Rufus. She really didn't have a right to be angry at him tonight, it wasn't his fault. William declared his love for her in public while she was cuddled up to Rufus. She got scared; she lashed out at Rufus for telling her I told you so. Rufus was right, he was right about everything, but she wasn't ready to hear it. Lily wants Rufus to call, she figures he won't though. Not tonight, the wound is too fresh.

The phone rings, bringing Lily back to the fluid conversation around her. Serena bounces off the couch, rushing toward the phone. Lily watches her answer it, curious as to why her daughter is turned away from her and speaking very softly. Serena hangs up the phone and returns to them, informing Lily that Blair called. Lily has no idea that her daughter lied to her, it was Rufus on the phone. Lily paints on a smile, she thinks its best to forget about her crumbling marriage to Rufus, they can talk tomorrow.

Rufus expected the frosty treatment from Serena, another byproduct of William resurfacing in their lives. When it comes down to it, Rufus is well aware that Serena will side with her father. Rufus has no idea why when William has been back for all of a week, he simply chalks it up to Serena being confused about the new family dynamic forming.

Back at the penthouse, Lily abruptly stands up, stopping the chatter.

"You okay Lily?" William asks. _No, not really, Rufus doesn't trust me because of you so, thanks. _

"Yeah, I'm fine, just um…tired. I am going to sleep," Lily exchanges a kiss with Serena and Eric. William inches toward her, but Lily offers him a forced smile while he kisses her cheek. She ascends the stairs, walks into her and Rufus' bedroom, well, it's only hers tonight. Lily stares at the empty bed, picturing Rufus flipping through a magazine, waiting for her to come in. She would kiss him and disappear into their closet, returning dressed in something more scandalous. He would immediately toss aside whatever was garnering his attention before and demand that she hop into bed beside him.

Lily's whimsical grin evaporates, Rufus isn't here. She can still hear muffled sounds stemming from downstairs. Lily wants William to disappear back to whatever he was doing before on the other side of the world. She refuses to declare that she needs him; she won't acknowledge that her health is in his hands.

Rufus volleys his cell phone back and forth between his hands. He is debating whether to call Lily's cell or not. He glances at the clock, it's late and Serena did say Lily already went to bed. Rufus sets the phone back on the table; he will go over to the penthouse to speak to his wife, alone. William won't interfere; Rufus will make sure of it.

"_Lily, maybe you would do that, but I wouldn't and I didn't. When you are ready to hear that and talk about it, give me a call."_

Rufus walks away and Lily lets him. Their marriage is over. There is nothing left to salvage between them. A huge part of Lily wants to believe that Rufus didn't do this, but the evidence is stacked against him. That damn scarf, Rufus' Achilles heel and their downfall. Lily can't blame him, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. He could stand there and tell her that he loved her forever; she doesn't doubt that at all, she just isn't going to allow him to cheat on her. Rufus just looked so _lost_ that has Lily skeptical about Holland's story.

Rufus can't comprehend how Lily couldn't even give him the benefit of the doubt. He did not cheat on Lily with Holland, he couldn't. It's William, putting ideas into his wife's head, swaying her in whatever direction he pleases. Rufus is expecting divorce papers any day now because he knows Lily won't tolerate being cheated on, even though it didn't happen. He has no idea why Holland lied to everyone; she has to be in collusion with William. Rufus scoffs, it's probably true, but he is the last person Lily wants to hear from right now. Regrettably, he just has to let the truth reveal itself, but when it does, will he forgive Lily? Rufus can picture her face when he came upstairs to his office, she looked so broken. Of course, Lily wouldn't permit herself to cry in front of him, refused to let him see how much this destroyed her. Rufus exhales; he is waving a white flag. Their marriage is over.

Lily stays upstairs in Rufus' office, surrounded by his things. The guitars, Lincoln Hawk paraphernalia and the random pictures of the family they created and destroyed together. She sits on the white leather couch, her and Rufus were cuddling on this couch together mere days ago. What the hell happened? Lily circles back to when Vanya dropped off the scarf to her, providing an excuse for Rufus as to why he was at Holland's apartment. She wanted to buy it too, but a part of her had an inkling that Rufus did in fact sleep with Holland ever since then.

"Lily?" She hears William call her name and looks up. He is cautiously standing in the doorway, waiting to see if he can come in. Lily swallows, blinking back unshed tears and thrusts a miniscule grin onto her face. William enters, shoving his hands in his pockets as he glances around Rufus' office. He hasn't been in here until now; he figured Rufus wouldn't want him in here.

"Hi…did Holland leave?" Lily asks, ready to get up and throw Holland out herself if she didn't. William walks over to the desk, spotting a photo of Lily beaming into the camera resting on it. He picks it up, running his finger across the frame.

"Yeah she left and trust me, she isn't coming back. This is a nice picture of you," He offers offhandedly, returning the picture and sitting next to her on the couch.

"Thanks, Rufus took it…Rufus…" Lily places her elbows on her knees, burying her face in her hands. She can't picture her life without him, his stuff in her penthouse, the little quirks that made him the man she fell in love with. She can sense William's hand on her back, providing false comfort. Lily is well aware that William doesn't give a damn that her marriage to Rufus is falling apart, but she does appreciate him being supportive.

"I'm sorry Lily, do you need anything?" Lily desperately wants to put the blame on William for everything that has happened, but it's not his fault. He may have inadvertently drove Rufus to cheating on her, however, it was her that lied to her husband repeatedly.

"Thank you William for being here, but I think I would like to be alone right now. In fact, Eric and I are going out for coffee." Lily isn't exactly sure if her son is free at the moment, but she can't be in her husband's office anymore. She can't stare at his possessions and delude herself into thinking that they can get past this bump in their marriage.

"_Rufus, I'm sorry I didn't believe you, I was just overwhelmed." "The only thing that matters is I'm not losing you, to cancer, or to Will, or anything else."_

Lily frames his face with her palms, drawing his face towards hers so they their lips can connect. She has missed kissing him, thinking that she would never be able to do it again. Rufus matches her passion, pressing her body closer to his with his hands cupped around her hips. Lily drapes her arm around his neck as she slips her tongue into his mouth quickly before they separate. She beams at him, splashing her hand across his cheek. Rufus turns to face his daughter, knowing that they need to have a conversation about how she helped almost wreck his marriage. Lily catches the look, gliding her hands down his arms, stopping to squeeze his wrist and then his hands. They exchange glances and Lily turns, walking with a little extra swing in her step. Rufus needs to talk to Jenny alone without her interfering. Plus, Lily isn't stupid, she realizes what Jenny did and she doesn't want to hear her stepdaughter excuses.

What her and Rufus need is time to reconnect. They need to get back to how they were before her alleged cancer. Lily feels embarrassed, how could she fall so easily for William's lies? How could she believe anyone over Rufus? She should be thanking Rufus for forgiving her so easily because she wouldn't have. If the roles were reversed, Lily would have stopped fighting for their marriage a while ago, but that is why she loves Rufus. He is so damn stubborn that he preservers to get what he wants which luckily, is her, no, _them._

She can hear Rufus' voice rise somewhat, Rufus rarely yells unless he is extremely upset. Lily doesn't know what she did to Jenny to make her want she and Rufus to divorce. The only explanation Lily can come with is Jenny, in her own twisted way, is trying to protect Rufus.

"Lil, I don't get it," Rufus comes bursting in their room, frantically running his fingers through his chocolate tresses. He sits beside her and Lily's arms envelop him. Rufus conceals himself in her neck, shutting his eyes for a few seconds.

"Jenny needs time Rufus, she will come around I promise. She's a teenager and she is about as stubborn as you." Rufus chuckles against the curve of her neck, planting a kiss there before pulling back.

"Thanks Lil," Rufus nibbles on his lips before leaning into kiss her. Lily is baffled, Rufus absolutely confuses her. She should be thanking him, not the other way around.

"As much as I love it when you thank me, I don't think I have done anything to deserve that recently." Lily looks down in shame and Rufus tucks his finger under her chin, tipping it up.

"I am thanking you because I love you and for being more understanding towards Jenny than I am being right now." Rufus backs them up until they are almost crashing into the headboard. Lily straddles him and starts unbuttoning his lilac dress shirt.

"I love you too and thank you for putting up with me these past months." Lily eases his shirt off of him and places a chaste kiss on his chest, pulling back to unzip her dress as much as she can. Rufus groans and assists her in discarding the clothing.

"I should have traded you in," Rufus jokes, shooting her a cheeky grin. Lily gasps as his hands work to unclasp her ebony bra.

"Rufus! Fine, then I should have sent you a postcard from Florida." She leans down, compressing a kiss to his lips, swallowing his laughter.

"_Alright Dan, Jenny, Humphrey hug, Eric and Lily, get in here too."_

They get together, forming a circle in the middle of Grand Central Station. Jenny is the first to pull away, grabbing her bags and giving one final wave goodbye. Rufus sighs deeply and Lily presses Eric's head close to hers.

"I'm going to miss Jenny, but you are right dad, she needs this." Dan tells Rufus who nods in agreement. Eric and Dan step out of the family embrace and turn to face their parents. Lily scoots closer to Rufus, reaching for his and squeezes it reassuringly. Rufus smiles at her and rubs his thumb over her knuckles.

"I'm going to miss her too," Eric says in agreement. Lily doesn't return the sentiment; she hasn't fully forgiven Jenny yet. She thinks that her stepdaughter needs a summer away to grow up a little. Maybe when Jenny gets back they can forge a better relationship.

"She'll be back soon, I'm sure of it." Rufus tells their kids, noticing Lily's silence. He can understand Lily's anger toward Jenny; he isn't going to push her to mend fences with his daughter, hopefully that will happen in time.

"Right, well I think Eric and I are going to head off. We will see you soon." The guys leave the train station and Rufus and Lily start walking toward the exit. Rufus hasn't really said much since saying goodbye to Jenny. Lily knows that Rufus is upset with himself because he couldn't manage his daughter, but it isn't his fault. Maybe Jenny needs Alison to straighten her out.

"You okay?" Lily asks, nudging her shoulder with Rufus'.

"Honestly Lil, I'm not sure. I thought I was doing what was best for her." Rufus opens the cab door for them and Lily slides in first. He shuts it and turns to face his wife who is rattling off the penthouse address.

"I know, but trust me when I say that sending Serena away was the best thing for her. Our kids are going to screw up Rufus no matter what we do. You are doing the right thing even though it doesn't seem like you are."

"Thanks Lil," He mutters, pressing a kiss to her temple. Lily rests her head on his shoulder, interlocking their fingers.

"We can go see Jenny in Hudson if you like, after going to Italy with Eric and stoppingtoseemymother." Lily jumbles up the last part of her sentence on purpose.

"Sorry Lil, I didn't hear what you said at the end. Could you repeat it?" Rufus asks just to tease her. Lily blushes and turns her head to look out the window. Luckily, the taxi rolls to a stop in front of their apartment complex and she jumps out. Rufus hands the cab driver the fare before running up to his wife, wrapping an arm around her waist.

"I didn't say anything about visiting CeCe; I don't know where you got that from." Lily says nonchalantly. Rufus chuckles and presses the elevator button. They step off the elevator and into the penthouse. Lily brings them upstairs so they can start packing.

"Lil, do we have to?" His question comes out as a groan complete with puppy dog eyes. Lily's laughter echoes from her place in the closet as she comes back with a teal cocktail dress to throw into her suitcase.

"She is my mother Rufus and apparently I owe her for pretending that she had cancer. That insufferable woman," Lily huffs and randomly tosses a pair of flip flops into her luggage. Rufus dodges the shoes as he sits on the edge of their bed.

"Funny, I was going to say the same thing about you." Rufus mumbles, not thinking Lily can hear him. She pops her head out of the bathroom, chucking her toiletry bag at his head. Lily glares at him and walks over to her husband, wedging his legs apart so she can stand between them. She interlocks her fingers behind his neck.

"We could spend the whole summer with CeCe if you like. California is _so _nice in the summer." Rufus narrows his eyes at her, reaching his arms around to cup her ass.

"There is no way in hell that I am spending that much time with your mother….unless you pack this," Rufus holds up the cream silk negligee strewn about on their bed. Lily reaches over and sets the lingerie in her suitcase.

"Done."

**A/N 2: Tah dah! Now, does anyone want some scenes from season one? I would be happy to compile my favorite scenes together from that season or another if you guys like. Let me know and thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews, I love reading them! Honestly, it was really hard to narrow down my favorite Rufus/Lily moments from season one, but I tried. Hope you like!**

"_Well, not all of us have settlements from multiple divorces to sustain us." "Just stay out of my life Rufus."_

There are over nine million people in New York City, including the five surrounding boroughs. Out of those nine million people, there is only one person that could walk into the gallery and make Rufus Humphrey's blood run cold. Lily Van der Woodsen, formally Lily Rhodes, the first great love of his life. She hasn't changed a bit; expect she is a little more hardened as a person. They haven't seen each other in fifteen years, but it didn't seem to matter for them, time holds no bounds. They are still sparring with each other like they were twenty again. Rufus wanted to get under her skin and he did, he could tell. The more he teased her, the harsher her insults got. Lily likes to be in control of every situation, the more vulnerable she gets, the meaner she becomes. When she can't win the battle in front of her, she throws out all of her weapons and retreats. She is still as beautiful as he remembers, the few wrinkles she has have added to her beauty, instead of taking away from it. _Woah, Rufus, you are married, you can't think like that about your ex-girlfriend. _Rufus snaps back to reality and stares at his wedding ring, needing the reminder that although his wife is in Hudson doing god knows what with god knows whom, he is currently married to her and shouldn't be day dreaming about Lily Van der Woodsen.

Lily storms out of the gallery and hopefully out of Rufus Humphrey's life for good. What was she thinking? She didn't belong in Brooklyn and she didn't belong with him. However, ever since Serena introduced her to Dan yesterday, all Lily can think about is Rufus. History is repeating itself, only this time with her daughter and his son. As selfish as it may seem, Lily is secretly wishing that nothing materializes between Serena and Dan, she doesn't want to be connected any more to Rufus than she already is. A part of her missed fighting with Rufus, they had so much passion in their relationship. Plus, the fact that he is still ruggedly handsome doesn't hurt either. _What? Where did that come from? _Lily shakes her head, she can't think like that. That part of her life is over now. Rufus still might be married to Alison and she is moving on to better things. Who knows, Dan might just be an excuse to not deal with whatever is going on between her daughter and her best friend Blair. Hopefully Serena will be able to resist the Humphrey men better than she ever could, but something tells Lily that that isn't going to happen. Maybe she can still convince Serena to ditch Dan and go to Blair's party. That would be a better solution for all of them…well, for Lily, at least. Lily wouldn't have to deal with the fallout from Dan and Serena's date whether it goes good or bad.

_"I hope everything turns out alright." "Yeah me too, thanks for babysitting me and thank you for being such a good friend." "Yeah…it was almost fun." "Goodnight Rufus."_

They had a great night together, surprisingly. Their past few encounters haven't gone as well. Rufus isn't exactly sure why Lily showed up at his door step, but he certainly wasn't going to turn her away, especially after his phone call with Alison or Alison's lover, Alex. He was conflicted about his feelings, again and Lily just happened to be there…again. Rufus really enjoyed her company; it has been a while since things have been semi-normal between them. They cooked together…well she ordered him around while he cooked. That was nothing new, even twenty years later. She was always the controlling one in their relationship. He missed it though; he missed just being with her. Putting her sometimes snobby personality aside, he was able to forget his imploding marriage for the time being. When she told him about Eric, he felt terrible. The only thing he could say is sorry, because he was. Even if they weren't speaking, even if they were with other people, if she really would have needed him, he would have been there for her. He wished Alison didn't call and ruin their evening, although Lily answering the phone was kind of humorous to him.

Lily flees Brooklyn in a cab; she needs to go to the Ostroff center to repair her relationship with her son. She doesn't know how to handle Eric, she feels like she is walking on broken glass with him. A part of her is glad that she could open up and tell Rufus about Eric's situation, it was strangely cathartic for her. She knew that he would understand better than anyone else. Lily had been dancing around the truth and considered feeding him the lie she has been telling everyone else about Eric visiting his aunt in Florida. However, he broke down her resolve and she admitted the truth. He handled the situation exactly like she hoped he would. He was apologetic, but didn't give her pity, which he knew she didn't need or want. He didn't pry, but gave his own brand of Rufus support. She really isn't sure how or why she ended up at his loft tonight, maybe because she was lonely and needed a friend or maybe she just needed an excuse to see Rufus after their ambiguous encounters recently. They had a great evening together, cooking dinner and she especially enjoyed chatting about their past. They started getting nostalgic, which was easy for them, given their complicated history. She actually hoped to see him again soon, but she is going to have to be less obvious about her reason for stopping by next time. Rufus was there and helpful to her, which is something that she hasn't had in a long time. The only problem and it is a rather big one is he is still married to Alison and she doesn't want to complicate her life any more than it already is.

"_I'm sorry I kissed you, but I did it because that mercenary in the starched white shirt doesn't appreciate everything you have over an attractive, twenty- five-year-old, mannequin 'cause beauty fades, though yours has done a remarkable job of holding on and in the long run it's going be his loss. And I thought he should know how it feels to lose you 'cause trust me, it's not fun."_

Rufus isn't sure why he is saying this to Lily, just like he has no idea why he kissed her. He kept telling himself that he was helping Lily make Bart jealous, but deep down; he knew that wasn't the truth. He should've known better than to kiss Lily, they were just friends, if that. Besides, she didn't seem bothered at all by Bart interrupting their conversation. He couldn't watch while Bart sweet-talked Lily into going somewhere with him. Rufus hopes that if Lily does choose to be with Bart, they can still be friends, if they were that to begin with, he isn't sure.

He twiddles his thumbs in the back of the cab, mulling over his night with Lily. When she called earlier that day and asked him to accompany her to Eleanor's party, he was more than willing to. It was a great distraction from Alison. Ever since he found out about Alex, Alison's "friend" in Hudson, Rufus more or less accepted that his wife wasn't coming back. Lily was there for him in her own special way, although it was rather manipulative now that he reflects back on it. He probably shouldn't have kissed her and he knows that, but he can't take back the way that kiss made him feel. He kissed her because he missed kissing her, because his marriage was in shambles, because he was lonely and a hundred other reasons he isn't aware of under the surface. He doesn't regret what he said to her though, that is the truth. It wasn't fun to lose her; it killed him when she left. She is still just as beautiful to him as she was when they were young and he hopes that she realizes that.

Lily has been utterly confused ever since Rufus kissed her. His lips crashing onto hers just completely caught her off guard. She wasn't sure how to process the kiss and she sure as hell didn't know why he was kissing her. He wrote it off as helping her make Bart jealous, but Lily had her doubts. When he finally tracked her down at Eleanor's, he seemed apologetic. His words were so flattering to her; nobody has said sweeter words than what Rufus said. He was so kind to her and knew what to say to make her feel better and worthy of another man's time and attention. She felt bad when Bart pulled her away; she cast Rufus aside, made him feel used. She didn't know why she was so shocked when she broke away from her and Bart's conversation to check on Rufus and he was no longer there. Why would he stick around when she made her motives clear? She wouldn't have. She did want to say goodbye though, and thank you for putting up with her tonight.

"Lily, are you coming?" Bart asks, holding his hand out for her. Lily tears her eyes away from where she and Rufus were talking earlier.

"Yeah, Bart," She offers a convincing smile and allows him to walk her to an awaiting town car.

_ "Well, I don't want to be in your way." "Since when Van der Woodsen?"_

He lightheartedly nudges her and she softly smiles at him. Only Rufus would ever say that to her, he just knows her too well.

"Here, I brought you, I mean, us some wine," Lily says, offering him the bottle. Rufus takes it and inspects the bottle with a playful expression on his face.

"I guess I will have a glass of this _non-premium liquor _since you brought it_._" Lily rolls her eyes and snatches the bottle back.

"Its wine Rufus, I was trying to be nice, I guess." She strolls past him, her eyes dancing around the gallery, inspecting the set-up he has going on. Rufus watches her intently, trying to get a read on her mood. They haven't really spoken since Eleanor's party and certainly haven't mentioned the kiss which is good; it can stay buried for all Rufus cares.

"Well if Lily Van der Woodsen can be nice than so can I." Rufus ignores Lily's eye roll and brushes past her to grab them some wine glasses from the storage room in the back. He comes back and steals the bottle back. Lily defiantly takes the glasses so he can uncork the bottle for them. Rufus pours the maroon liquid into each glass and sets the bottle on the floor.

"Hmm….thanks Lil for bringing it," Rufus places it down near the ladder so he can get back to work. Lily takes a few generous sips and moseys around the gallery, trying to see how she can make herself useful. Rufus turns on the ladder to look down at her, "Hey Lil?" Lily spins around and stares up at him.

"Hey Rufus?" She mimics, grinning at his glare, he hates to be mocked.

"Why did you come to Brooklyn to see me? I thought you hate it here." Lily shrugs and rotates so her back is to him.

"Oh well…I think Bart cheated on me. Charles told me when I saw him outside of the Palace earlier."

"I'm sorry Lil," He offers, at least attempting to sound sincere. Lily shrugs it off, pretending that what Bart did doesn't bother her. Truthfully, she doesn't know if it does. She isn't sure what Bart meant to her, all she knows is that she is here now, asking for comfort from Rufus again. "So, what are you going to do?"

"Oh…uh…I don't know, I'll think of something though." She swats her hand in the air, signaling to Rufus that she should switch topics of conversation. Rufus nods and reaches for the broom on the floor. Lily sets her glass down and hands it to him, offering a disarming smile.

"Are you okay?" Rufus asks sincerely.

"Yeah…is there anything I can do to help?" She doesn't want to stand here, stewing in self-reflection. The reason she came here was to escape her problems on the Upper East Side, right? She ventured into Rufus' territory because she wanted to confide in him, tell him what's bothering her without fear of him judging her or blabbing about her secrets over cocktails, that's not who he is.

"Yeah, why don't you get some blankets and pillows in the back?" Rufus turns to her as she slides her jacket off of her shoulders, revealing the tight gray tee underneath. An impish grin splits her mouth open,

"Are you trying to sleep with me Rufus?" Rufus is utterly shocked by that question and stumbles on the ladder.

"No, Lil, this isn't a slumber party. Fine, don't get the blankets; we can lie on the cold, concrete floor if you want." Lily huffs at him and goes into the back room, locating the aforementioned items bunched together in the corner. She comes out and arranges the blankets and pillows just so on the ground while waiting for Rufus to finish what he is doing.

"Are you almost done?" Lily asks in a joking manner. Rufus eases himself off the ladder and scoops his wine glass off of the ground.

"I'm sorry, am I keeping you from something?" Lily smirks at him and sets her glass down so she can lie down. Rufus turns on the projector and moves to lie next to her to where their heads are brushing against each other, bodies almost intertwined.

"This is beautiful," Lily murmurs and points to something she spots up above her. Rufus turns slightly to face her, close enough to kiss her and smiles, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

"It sure is," Rufus says back, not referring to the art piece any more.

_"...Don't say it, don't even think it." "I can't help myself; I never should have let you, let me go." _

Rufus doesn't wait for her response and hangs up. Lily is right; they shouldn't be speaking to each other, especially after Alison's ultimatum on Thanksgiving. He chose Alison, he chose his wife, and he chose their family with their children. He wanted to fight for their relationship and she told him that he needed to cut Lily out of his life. He had been doing that for the most part, but he just couldn't get her out of his head. He felt bad for the way they left things on Thanksgiving. Although Lily desperately tried to hide her true feelings, as she always did, he knew that she was hurt by his decision. Something in his mind told him to call her, he wanted to hear her voice and reassure himself that she was okay. Her mother showing up to talk about Dan and Serena gave him that one final push to dial her phone number. He was shocked to learn the real reason Lily had left him and furious with CeCe for always interfering, which was her specialty. Rufus can't comprehend CeCe's reasoning for breaking them up and wishes she never did. However, the past is the past, and here they are now. He has to sneak away from his wife to call Lily who has probably reconnected with Bart. _God, when did my life get so screwed up? _Rufus asks himself as he walks back to the gallery, packed with people who came to support Alison's art.

Lily lets the phone close with a heavy sigh. She is utterly surprised by Rufus' admission. _ I never should have let you, let me go, _still echoes in her head. She didn't want to let him go, but she didn't really have a choice. Her mother made her choose, maybe she shouldn't have, but she did. Lily chose the money over Rufus, a decision she still deeply regrets. She was nineteen at the time; she didn't know what she was doing. Suddenly, Lily hears her daughter's child-like laughter echo through the hall where the cotillion is being held. She turns and sees Serena being held securely in Dan's arms. Serena looks up expectantly and Lily gives her a nod and a smile, telling her it's okay that she goes off with Rufus' son. Lily remembers when that was her and Rufus having the time of their life, embarrassing CeCe by rebelling against the Upper East Side society her mother so badly wanted Lily to be a part of. She wishes Rufus was by her side now, looking down at their kids together and just relishing in the fact that they were happy. Rufus isn't here though; he is with his wife, as he should be. What he did on Thanksgiving was right, even though it destroyed her. She knew that Rufus was going to try and make things work with Alison because that's just who he is. Lily doesn't hate him for it; she admires him for attempting to make things work with his wife. It's just when he called, she was kind of hoping that he was going to tell her that he and Alison were officially splitting up. She was wishing that he would say he wanted to be with her. That wasn't the case, but it's a step in the right direction for them, for now.

"_Look, I don't know exactly what it would even mean for us to be together, but could you look at me and tell me that you aren't the least bit curious? You were at the same crossroads you were years ago. Claim your life this time, live it the way you want to live it."_

Rufus leans in to kiss Lily, quickly, softly, translating his words into action. He pulls back and heads for her hotel room door, not bothering to stick around for her reaction. All that matters is that she knows how he feels about them. He loves her, he never stopped loving her. Now that his marriage to Alison is formally over, he and Lily can be together, if that's what she decides she wants. She seemed resistant at first, offering him reasons as to why they would never work, blaming it on them being too wrapped up in the nostalgia of their relationship to have it carry over into the present. That might be the case, but they would never know if they didn't try, right?

Lily watches Rufus exit her hotel room with a whimsical grin on her face. He just admitted that he was still in love with her and she couldn't be more excited. The only problem is Bart, he asked her to marry him during Christmas and she hasn't given him an answer yet. She told Rufus that she was going to say yes, but now she isn't so sure. She doesn't know how to feel towards Bart, she does love him, but she doesn't know if she wants to be married to him. She loves Rufus too, it's just so complicated. Of course everything involving Rufus Humphrey is complex. What would it mean for them to be together? Would they work out? She really does want to try, but her daughter is dating their son. Lily could only imagine how weird that would be for Serena. Lily needs to take a second to weigh her options. If she was to be with Rufus, she would be happy, but it might be the cost of Serena's relationship. With Bart, she could be happy and Serena could be with Dan. Potential happiness might not be enough for her though, she would have to cut Rufus out of her life completely and she might not be able to do that.

Rufus heads back to the loft in Brooklyn, content that he made the right decision. If Lily wants to be with him then she will make it happen. He knows better than anyone that it is a really difficult decision for her to make. She would have to leave Bart and run the risk of ruining her daughter's relationship with his son.

Lily's phone beeps and she looks down, hoping that it is a text from Rufus. She frowns; its Bart asking her if she wants to go to lunch with him. She agrees, she needs some time to make her decision. Bart, Rufus, Bart, Rufus, she is torn between two completely different men and she is incapable of choosing one.

"_You packed light." "Please try to understand." "I do, I'm just sorry." "So am I."_

She is letting him go, Lily is choosing Bart. Rufus isn't really surprised, he knows her too well. In her eyes, picking him would be too selfish. Lily is choosing a life with Bart and Rufus will have to respect that. He still wants to be her friend; he doesn't want to cut her out of her life completely. However, Rufus needs some space from her. He can't be as close as they were because it hurts too much. He doesn't want to see her and pretend that it's okay that she is tossing him aside for private jets and five star hotels. He wishes her well, but just wants it to be with him.

This wasn't an easy decision for Lily to make. She wants to tell him that she is trading a life with Bart so Serena can have a relationship with Dan. He wouldn't understand, he would tell her that they could make it work, but Lily isn't stupid. Serena would never forgive her if she ran off with Rufus, especially since she caught the phone call Rufus made to her. Lily needs to make it work with Bart, even if it kills her. Maybe one day if Serena and Dan ever break up, on their own terms, she and Rufus can be together. If only things were simple, she could be with Rufus without Serena and Dan breaking up. Lily feels empty inside ever since Rufus walked away. She has to head home for her engagement celebration with Bart, the one place she doesn't want to be. If Lily had it her way, Rufus would be whisking her away to a cozy bed and breakfast somewhere on the east coast.

Rufus goes back to Brooklyn, instead of going off with Lily. He doesn't know what changed between their phone conversation earlier and what happened now. She seemed so willing to go anywhere with him, but now she is heading back to the Upper East Side to be with Bart. Bart must have weaseled He wants to tell her that they could work this out that they wouldn't have to sneak around to be together, but that's not the truth.

Lily enters her hotel, spotting Bart with Serena, Eric and Chuck waiting for her.

"Hi, did you finish your little errand?" Bart asks, walking over to slip her jacket off.

"What?" Lily asks, _oh, right, that errand, that errand where she let the love of her life go. _She catches Serena's eye and ignores it. Lily doesn't want to be angry with Serena; it's not her daughter's fault. She could have chosen to be with Rufus if she really wanted to, but she couldn't.

"Lily, are you alright?" Bart's voice permeates her train of thought. Lily paints on a smile and buttons her blouse a little higher.

"I'm fine, I just…I'm just a little tired."

"Mom, can I talk to you?" Serena asks. Lily nods and follows Serena into a quiet corner of the hotel room.

"What can I help you with Serena?" Lily isn't in the mood to hear any flak from Serena about Rufus.

"Did you talk to Rufus?" _Here we go, _Lily thinks to herself and crosses her arms.

"Yes I did, and if you must know, it's no longer an issue." Serena sighs in relief.

"Thank you mom and congratulations," Serena smiles at Lily and walks away. Lily shakes her head and walks over to Bart, letting him kiss her on the cheek.

"_Ah, we make quite the team." "Always did. Good luck Lil, with everything. I am sure you'll make a beautiful bride." "Thank you, goodnight Rufus."_

They hang up the phone with each other, not bothering to say goodbye. Rufus and Lily had a great day together, their first since the encounter at the bus station. He needed her advice with Jenny; he doesn't know what to do. He honestly thought Lily would help because of her many attempts to control Serena. That spiraled into him staying to see her in her wedding dress. _It's not the dress, it's you in it, _is still echoing in her mind. The look on his face just tore her apart. She shouldn't have tried it on in front of him, that wasn't fair to him. And after the disastrous family dinner with Georgina, she needed someone to talk to. She knew Rufus would understand better than anyone. She couldn't go to Bart with this; he would be more concerned about the scandal of her son being gay than Eric's actual feelings. That's why she didn't tell Bart about Eric's suicide attempt, it's better if he thinks that Eric was in Florida.

Seeing Lily in her wedding dress finally made it clear to Rufus. She is moving on and marrying Bart. He didn't mean to let his feelings get in the way of their friendship, but like he told her, it's just the way she looked. He had an image in his head of her walking in that wedding dress at their wedding. He knew that she wouldn't have called if it wasn't an emergency. He couldn't help but pick up because they are friends. And friends help friends no matter what feelings were entangled. She sounded so upset and out of her element over the phone. The best he could do is support her and offer his best advice as a friend. He was happy that he could make her laugh, he feels like she really needed that. Rufus wants to know what how she is going to handle Eric, but that's not his business anymore. The only thing he can do is have the confidence that Lily can handle this situation on her own.

Lily needs to fix her relationship with Eric and with Rufus' advice; she knows just what to say. She was thrilled that he picked up the phone after what happened at the bridal shop, she wasn't sure where they stood. Then again, it's Rufus, someone who always is going to be there for her with good advice. She loves him and hopes that they can remain friends even when she is Mrs. Bass, if she even goes through with the wedding. Serena be damned, Lily has to think about her own happiness. Maybe she and Serena could come to an understanding about the whole Bart and Rufus situation. She is getting married in only a few short weeks, for the fourth time to a man she really isn't in love with.

"_Get out of my way Rufus." "No." "Get out of my way." "No."_

Lily steps toward Rufus, locking lips passionately. He finally broke down her resolve, that self satisfying smirk gave him away. She has to do this now because she never will get another chance again. It's not fair to Bart, but at this moment, she couldn't care less. This is about her and Rufus, what they could be, together. Rufus deepens the kiss, wrapping his arms securely around her. She melts into him, and skates her fingers down his chest. They break apart, both momentarily stunned by what just occurred between them.

"Woah," Lily mumbles, touching her lips, feeling the passion ebbing off of them. Rufus isn't sure if what they did was a mistake in her eyes because it wasn't in his. He nods, inches toward her briefly, placing a kiss on her cheek. Rufus is willing to walk away if she is or if she wants to continue this. A town car approaches them and Lily interlocks their fingers. Rufus looks down at their intertwining hands and opens the door for them. Lily places a gentle peck on his lips and slides inside, pulling him in beside her. She leans forward to murmur directions to the driver. Rufus is curious as to where she is taking them and leans back into the seat. She turns to him and straddles him, meshing their lips together. Lily starts rocking back and forth over his legs, hearing him moan softly. Rufus inches forward and places gentle kisses on Lily's neck, causing her to toss her head back. The car rolls to a stop and Lily eases off of him. The driver opens the door for them and Lily gets out first, tugging on Rufus' hand. She drops their hands briefly, not wanting anyone to see them together. He brushes past her and reserves them a room. Lily sneaks her hand below the concierge desk to sneak her hand between his inner thigh, moving it up and down. Rufus accepts the key to their room from the concierge and spins around to face her, quirking an eyebrow at her doe-eyed expression. He grabs her hand and escorts her to the elevator.

"What do you think you are doing?" Rufus asks, backing her up against the elevator wall. Lily doesn't respond, just bites her lip and kisses him forcefully. The doors ding open and Rufus snags her hand, roughly forcing them out of the elevator. She laces her tongue into his mouth as they blindly stumble toward their hotel room. He opens his eyes briefly and wraps his arm around her waist. She lets them disconnect and kisses his cheek while he slides the key into the door. Rufus gently pushes her in and closes the door behind them. Lily waits for him to turn around and loops her arms around his neck. He kisses her hungrily, backing them towards the bed. Before things get too heated, she steps out of their embrace.

"Rufus, are you sure you want to do this?" She has to ask, she doesn't want him to wake up with regrets. He cups her face, wanting her look directly at him.

"Only if you do." She nods, reaching for his ebony shirt, frantically unbuttoning it. They both watch as his shirt falls carelessly to the floor and smile at each other. He works to get her trench coat off and then her dress. She deeply kisses him as her hands tug at his jeans. They work together to get their clothes off until they are collapsing on the bed. He is frantically kisses her, wanting to know exactly how he felt about her. It sounded so cliché to him, but this is where he wanted to be, with her. Regardless of what happens with her wedding, at least they are here, together, tonight.

"I love you," Rufus whispers against her lips. He doesn't need her to feel the same way; he just wanted to say it. Their lips separate with a loud smack and she stares up at him. Suddenly, a huge smile blossoms on her face and she puts a hand on his cheek.

"I love you too Rufus." He turns them over so she is on top of him and eases her blonde hair out of her chic bun. She bites her lip, leaning in to kiss him.

"…_You make me nervous." "That's a good thing, right?" "There are just too many questions, too many. What about Dan and Serena?" "Whatever their feelings are for each other, if we are standing here 20 years in the making…" "Yeah, those 20 years have to count for something, don't they?" "I think they count for everything."_

They both smile at each other, knowing what they have to do. It's not fair, but it's what is right for their children.

"Rufus, I just wanted you to know that last night was amazing." Lily tells him sincerely. He nods, shoves his hands in his pockets like he always does when he is uncomfortable.

"It was, wasn't it?" That arrogant smirk she loves blossoms on his face. Suddenly, it falls, the daunting reality of their situation looming above them. "Look Lil, we need to decide what to do…about us. Whether or not there is going to be an us."

"I know," she frowns and takes a sip of her champagne. "I think that you should go on your tour." Rufus sighs,

"What about you? Are you going to marry him?" Lily nibbles on the inside of her cheek.

"I do love him, but I love you too. It's not our time right now, Rufus."

"I agree, but we can still be friends right?"

"Rufus, we will always be more than friends." He leans forward and kisses her on the forehead. She splashes her hand across his cheek, gliding her thumb up and down. He nods in understanding and steps back. She glides over to the vanity and sets her champagne down. Lily then walks over to stand next to him, in front of the doors. She inches toward him and brushes one last kiss on his cheek. Rufus grabs a door handle and Lily grabs the other. They swing the doors open together, turning to face each other.

"Here we go, are you sure about this?" Rufus asks, although he already knows the answer to that question.

"Ask me again and I'll change my mind." Lily retorts, only half joking. She knows he won't though, their fate is sealed.

"I love you Lily."

"I love you too Rufus." He reaches over and clasps her hand, reaffirming his words to him.

"And have a great wedding and try not to trip or anything." She laughs and looks out into the hallway, leading outside. He gives her an impish grin.

"I can't believe you put that in my mind. Well, luckily, I have done this before." They jokingly sneer at each other and Lily starts walking away, her hand easily slipping out of his. Rufus stays behind, watching her go.

**A/N 2: I know it's short, but season one is harder to do than I thought. The final chapter is a surprise (mostly because I don't know what to do yet.) I'll figure something out though, I always do. Stay tuned and **_**Flawed and Fragmented **_**will be updated next week!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews I have received throughout this story, I really appreciate them. This final chapter is all about season four. (Sorry for it being so out of order, I didn't think I would be doing so many seasons). Also, this is definitely rated M. Hope you like!**

**Chapter Four**

"_What? What is it?" "A body washed up in Paris, shot. The identification they found says it's…Charles Bass"_

Rufus is momentarily stunned and lets his arm fall off of Lily's back. A very deep part of him wanted Chuck to suffer for what he did to Jenny, but not like this. However, Rufus never wanted Chuck to get physically hurt. He looks over at Lily who is desperately trying not to unravel. She turns to him with this haunted look in her eyes he has never seen before. Even in the moonlight seeping in through the cracks in the blinds, Rufus can see Lily's eyes become shiny.

"Oh…my god…Rufus…" Lily chokes out before she completely burst into tears. Rufus wraps his arms around her trembling frame, willing to provide comfort in any way she needs.

"Ssh…Lil," Rufus brushes his hand over her shiny golden tresses. He has seen Lily cry several times before, but he hasn't seen it this bad since that night after Jack attacked her at the opera.

"I can't lose him Rufus," Lily sobs, clutching onto his robe tighter. Rufus can feel Lily shift her weight onto him more, signaling to him that her legs are about to give way underneath her. He carefully walks them over to the couch, letting Lily bury herself into the curve of his neck. Rufus isn't sure what he should say back to his wife, there is a possibility that Chuck might die, especially when they don't know the extent of his injuries.

"Honey, we can go to Paris right now. We can go upstairs, get packed and leave if that's what you want." He assures her, adding conviction into his tone so she knows that he is serious. That despite everything Chuck has done to their family; Rufus is more than willing to stand by Lily in Paris to see her son through recovery. Lily hiccups and quivers, another round of tears slipping down her cheeks. She quickly wipes them away and pops her head up to face him, a watery smile washing over her previous frown.

"Thank you Rufus," She puts her hand on his cheek, her thumb grazing over the stubble starting to form. He softly smiles at her and leans forward to press a soothing kiss to her forehead. "I think we should stay here though." Rufus furrows his eyebrows and uses the pad of his thumb to brush away a tear escaping her eyes.

"Not that I am complaining, but why?" Lily drops her head onto his chest,

"Serena is already there and if she needs us then we can go. I just don't think I could see Charles like that…" Lily trails off, a sob catching in her throat. Rufus rubs her back; he didn't mean to make her start crying again.

"I'm sorry Lil," He whispers and sweeps a kiss across the top of her head. Lily sniffs and wipes her eyes once more. She turns to face him, a grin tugging at the corner of her mouth when she realizes Rufus' robe has all but come undone.

"I like this robe on you." Rufus glances down, blushing slightly and ties his robe around his torso once again.

"The way you bolted out of our bed at the sound of that phone call made me chase after you and this was the only thing in sight. I didn't want to run downstairs naked in case Eric woke up." Lily nods and sits up on the couch. Rufus stands up and offers his hand for her to take.

"Come on, let's get some sleep, we can figure out this whole mess in the morning." Lily nods, appreciating Rufus taking control of the grim situation surrounding her son. She interlocks her fingers with his and rests her head on his upper arm as they walk upstairs together. Rufus drops the robe and reaches for his boxers, slipping them over him. They get into bed and Lily slides closer to her husband, needing more than anything to be near him. Rufus receives her silent message and envelops her into his arms. He firmly kisses her temple and glides his fingertips up and down her bare arm, eventually lulling her to sleep.

"…_Okay so Georgina is Type O." "I'm sure she is, just like Milo's real father."_

Lily and Rufus look away from each other, both brewing over this tiny argument that they keep seem to be having. Lily clears her throat and turns to face her husband, placing her hand on his shoulder.

"Rufus, I understand your frustration, but like it or not, _for now_, Dan is taking care of Milo. We have to be supportive until this gets all sorted out." She tries a new approach in hopes to get through to her increasingly stubborn husband. Rufus lets out a frustrated sigh and crosses his arms.

"I will get to the bottom of this Lil." Lily nods, scraping her teeth over her bottom lip.

"I wouldn't expect anything less from you. Trust me, I have known Georgina a lot longer than you have and that girl is up to something. We just have to find a way to prove it." Rufus softens a little, casting his eyes down at the baby book his wife is putting together for their possible grandchild. He drapes an arm around her waist, pressing her up against him.

"Thanks Lil for all that you have done for Milo, you are really good with him." Lily's ears perk up at the end of Rufus' comment to her, sensing something more under the surface.

"Rufus Humphrey, are you hinting at something?" Lily asks, tilting her head up to face him with her arm resting on her hip. An adorable oops expression washes over her husband's face as he tries to backpedal.

"What? No, I am just pointing out how you seemed to really attach to him. I have never seen you with a baby before." Lily narrows her eyes at Rufus, shaking her head.

"Sorry, but I meant what I said the other day; no more diapers, bottles and spit up. Plus, we got enough problems with the children we currently have." Rufus realizes how much he freaked her out by mentioning them having a baby together.

"Lil, relax, you are right." He suppresses a laugh when he feels her sigh in relief.

"I am? I mean, I know. You really scared me there Humphrey." She kisses him sweetly on the curve of his mouth. She starts to walk away, but he extends his arms so they are encompassing her waist again.

"We could always practice," He seductively whispers in her ear, relishing in the smile igniting her features. She twists, looping her arms around his neck

"Hmmm…I guess, let me see if I can fit you into my schedule," she jokes. Rufus rolls his eyes before fiercely kissing her lips, swallowing a gasp from her.

"I love you," Rufus whispers when they separate. Lily breaks out in a wide smile,

"I love you too Rufus, but no more kids. Deal?" Rufus sticks his lower lip out, but he can see that his wife isn't budging on this.

"Fine, can we still take Georgina down though?" Lily nods, surprised by her husband's out-of-character question.

"That's what we do best on the Upper East Side my darling."

"_You know there are ten minutes left of our anniversary. You know, just enough time to save it."_

Rufus steps towards her and engulfs her lips in a passionate kiss. Lily responds just as strong by wrapping her arm around his neck, pulling him in deeper.

"Rufus," Lily mumbles against his lips.

"Hmmm?" He mumbles distractedly, moving down to place alluring kisses on her chin and jaw.

"Eric is still awake," Lily whispers, gesturing her head in the direction of her son's room. Rufus nods in understanding and sweeps her off her feet. Her arms instinctively drape around his neck. Rufus walks them upstairs and into the master bedroom, kicking the door shut behind him. He lays her on the bed, pressing a firm kiss to her lips.

"I say we take this to the shower," He whispers in her ear, getting to his feet while using his fingers to get his tie off. Lily nods and helps him ease off his blazer, unbutton his dress shirt. He works on getting her plum dress off, untangling her hair from her elegant bun. They both step out of their shoes.

"I couldn't agree more," Lily mutters and unzips his pants, pulling his boxers down with them. He unclasps her bra and slides her panties off as they stumble into the bathroom, leaving a trail of clothes behind them. Rufus starts the shower and adjusts to the appropriate temperature. Lily stands back, watching him, admiring his toned physique. Rufus steps into the shower, the water engulfing him. He pulls Lily in, smiling when she gasps as the water droplets pepper her skin.

Rufus breaks out the body wash, slowly lathering Lily with it, spending extra time on her breasts.

"Hmm…" Lily hums and tips her head back while Rufus works his way down her body.

"Your turn," Rufus says to her, squeezing a dollop of body wash into her hands before returning it to a shelf on the shower. Lily gives a closed lip smile and starts washing his chest. Rufus cups her cheek and brings her lips in for a quick kiss.

"Wait," Lily murmurs, pushing him away to stroking him. Rufus moans, making it echo off the shower walls as his wife's hands pick up the pace.

Rufus leans into her touch and soon pins her up against the shower wall, trapping her with both of his hands resting on either side of her head. Lily entwines their lips then breaks them apart with a loud smack. Rufus gives her a cheeky grin as he sweeps a matted tendril away from her eye. Lily responds by wrapping her left leg around Rufus' waist, pressing him as close as she can. Rufus kisses her forehead while he inserts his middle and index finger inside of her, stroking her folds.

"Ahh…" Lily sighs and closes her eyes, bowing her body towards his. Rufus seizes the opportunity to withdraw his fingers from inside of her. Lily licks her lips, her eyes flickering open in dismay. Without warning, Rufus enters her causing Lily to whimper quietly. Rufus picks her up off the shower floor, being careful to maintain their balance. Lily twines both of her legs around his back as Rufus slams her against the tiling. "Harder," She commands, tipping her head down to scrape her teeth along his collarbone. Rufus picks up the pace as Lily's fingers disappear in his slick hair. Lily uses the wall to arch her head back, each of Rufus' thrusts are bringing her closer and closer to her undoing.

"Lil…" Rufus sucks on a patch of flesh between her breasts, leaving his mark on her. Lily squeals at her husband's teeth clamping down on her skin as he continues his rather rough thrusts.

"Rufus!" Lily screams as she feels herself unraveling, her eyelids fluttering closed as she is riding out her orgasm. Rufus continues to move inside of her until he finds his own release.

"Honey..." Rufus mumbles and conceals his head in her neck. Lily withers against him and gives one final sigh, indicating that her orgasmic high is coming to an end. Rufus pulls out of her and eases her to the floor. Lily kisses him on the cheek and swivels on the balls of her feet, turning off the shower. Rufus pushes back the shower curtain, letting the steam engulf them while he tries to find them some towels. She accepts her lilac towel, stepping out of the shower, smiling over at her husband fiddling with his towel.

"Happy anniversary Rufus," She approaches him, her arms finding their way around his torso, brushing up against the soft fabric of his towel. He turns, still wearing that dopey grin she adores.

"You too baby," He seals his response with a kiss. They walk out of the bathroom, heading over to their closet. After they get dressed into their pajamas, Rufus locates his phone in his discarded pant pocket. "Hey Lil, I'm going to call Dan, thank him for the surprise."

"Okay, thank him for me too," Lily blows him a kiss as he steps out into the hallway to make his phone call. She climbs under the covers, a serene smile chasing across her mouth. This is the best first wedding anniversary she has ever had.

"_Hey, did you find what you needed?" "Yes."_

They kiss each other sweetly before Lily makes her way over to her frustrated daughter. Rufus takes a seat next to Eric, watching as his wife digs out fries, dangling them in front of Serena.

"Whatever happens from here on out we will handle it together okay?" Lily extends an olive branch to Serena, hoping she will soften. Serena agrees, much to Lily's relief. Rufus and Eric smile, happy to see mother and daughter bury the hatchet, for now at least. Luckily, Rufus and Lily are able to spend some of their discombobulated Thanksgiving with her kids, laughing and joking like they are a normal family. The fact Serena is at the Ostroff Center is a faraway worry for now.

"Alright, I think it's time for us to go, Rufus?" Lily asks her husband, seeing if he agrees. Rufus nods and stands up as Lily gets off the bed. She brushes a kiss to Serena's cheek.

"I'm going to stay with Serena for a little longer, I actually sort of miss this place," Eric says jokingly. He wants some alone time with his sister to figure out how to help her.

"Okay, see you at home darling," Lily feels Rufus' hand on her back, gently pushing her out of the room. Rufus could see his wife struggling all day on how to handle Serena, whether to be supportive or combative with her. He wasn't there for Serena's wild past so he can't really offer guidance, the only thing he has is advice on how to deal with a rebellious child. He honestly thought Lily would be mad when he told her Jenny had something to do with Serena's current condition, but she wasn't. Instead, she took responsibility for her daughter's behavior which surprised him.

Currently, they are in a cab on the way back to the penthouse. Lily has remained silent since leaving the Ostroff Center. She has resorted to staring out the window and fiddling with her trench coat. He reaches over, placing a comforting hand on her knee, swirling his thumb around the circumference of her knee cap.

"You okay Lil?" She turns her head to look at him, resting her hand over his.

"I don't know, I'm not sure if I made a mistake or not." Lily being confused is a strange concept for him, Rufus is used to seeing his wife sure of herself, confident that she is doing the right thing.

"I think the Ostroff Center is a good place for Serena until we can figure out what really happened." Rufus says, keeping the judgment out of his voice.

"I talked with your son today; he actually talked some sense into me. I feel so guilty for not being there…" She breaks off, running her hands over her face.

"Look Lil, obviously I wasn't around when Serena was younger, maybe she needed attention, maybe she was just being a kid; I'm not sure. And it might have been possible that you weren't around as much as you should have been, but that's not important. You are here, now, for your kids and Serena will get better." Lily lets her husband's words pacify her, ease some of the blame she is feeling. She kisses him on the cheek, a silent thank you for being a shoulder to lean on throughout this entire trying day.

"We sure know how to have a good Thanksgiving," Lily mumbles, her eyes rolling. Rufus snickers and opens the cab door for them after the car stops completely.

"At least there were fries." Lily giggles as she clasps his hand.

"They make for some great comfort food."

"…_Well it was a long time ago and it was fleeting." "Just when you thought you escaped another major scandal today."_

His remark makes her feel guilty in a way. Rufus has been so supportive of her through the whole Ben Donavan issue and now Russell Thorpe has emerged from Chicago, threatening the foundation of their dueling family once again. She shouldn't have let him walk into that blind, that wasn't fair to him.

"Rufus," She starts, but stops, trying to find the right way to explain herself to him.

"Lil," He throws back at her, wondering where this exchange is leading. She sets her half-drunken scotch down on the counter, combing her hair through her perfect up-do. Rufus waits patiently, tapping his fingers against the glass.

"I'm sorry for not telling you about Thorpe, I should have." Rufus nods, but doesn't let her off the hook yet.

"There seems to be a lot you aren't sharing with me and the kids lately." Lily bites the inside of her cheek; she deserves that and a lot worse from her husband.

"I realize I haven't been the most honest spouse recently and I apologize. I didn't want to tell anyone about Russell."

"I'm not just anyone Lily, I'm your husband." Lily nods, reaching out to grab Rufus' free hand.

"I know and I love you. Russell doesn't mean anything to me anymore, but I shouldn't have hid it from you anyway," She finishes her mea culpa and loops her arms around his waist. Rufus places his drink next to hers and stamps a kiss to her lips, communicating with her that he accepts her apology.

"Lil I forgive you, but please, stop keeping secrets from me. We had a hard enough time with that last year." Rufus doesn't want to go down that road in his marriage again; they almost divorced because of it. Lily reflexively pushes him closer, memories of their destructive first year of marriage running circles around her mind. She tilts her head to look up at him,

"You are absolutely right, no more secrets, I love you too much to let you go." She stands on her tip toes, meeting his lips for a convincing kiss. Lily realizes Rufus is serious this time about being honest with each other; he isn't going to subject himself to guessing games in their relationship. He hates being the last person to know something involving them and he shouldn't be put in that position, it isn't fair. Rufus isn't a trophy husband to her, or something to just have, she loves him, but her stubborn need for independence always fights her.

"I love you too Lil and in all fairness, you did tell me about Russell, I just forgot." Figures her husband would see it like that, accepting her faults and taking some of the blame on himself.

"Well my list was a lot longer than yours, more names to remember." Rufus grimaces and lets his hands meander to the small of her back.

"I would rather not remember them and I would especially not like to run into them at social functions, very awkward." Lily rocks slightly on her heels.

"True, how can I make it up to you?" Her question gets Rufus' full attention, a mischievous twinkle shimmering in his green eyes.

"Oh I don't know, a little of this maybe," he meshes his lips with hers, parting his lips to kiss her deeper. Lily pulls away, breathless,

"Is that all you want?"

"How long have you known me Lil?" He slides his hand from her back to her hands, dragging her to their bedroom with him.

"_I'm going out."_

It was a simple declaration made by Rufus, but to Lily, it was a sign that she screwed up, again. The kids certainly weren't staying around to support Lily, showing that they side with Rufus. Lily watches them get on the elevator and tosses the blood money on her desk. She huffs and puts a finger to her forehead. A few weeks ago, Lily promised Rufus that there would be no more secrets between them and here she is going behind her husband's back. Although Rufus won't believe her, Lily thought she was doing the right thing for Serena. Her daughter doesn't need to be affiliated with Ben, it would be better for everyone if he just disappeared. Lily knew Serena would never go for it; her daughter was in love with him. Rufus wouldn't either, he hates when she pays people off because he doesn't understand that some people just need an extra push to be swayed in her direction. Yes, it's not always the most moral thing to do, but it is usually effective.

Serena, Eric and Rufus head out of the penthouse, walking aimlessly near their apartment complex. Rufus understands that Serena is angry with her mother, and he is too. He thought he made himself clear when they were talking about Russell Thorpe, no more secrets, no more lies. He doesn't comprehend why his wife just can't be upfront with him. What is so hard about that? She can't expect him to go along with whatever she does, right? Rufus is well aware of what Lily's rational was behind this. She was doing it for Serena. Rufus knows that Lily would ever do anything in her power to protect her children, which he understands, but still, it doesn't excuse what she did.

"I hate her, why does she always do this to us?" Serena asks, looking to Rufus for an explanation. Eric turns to look at his stepfather, figuring if anyone could explain his mom's behavior it would be the man that captured her heart.

"Look, I know you are upset with your mother right now and so am I, but in her own twisted way, she was doing what she could to protect you." Eric and Serena's eyes widen,

"How could you possibly be defending her right now? She hurt you too Rufus," Serena reminds her stepfather. Rufus shrugs his shoulders,

"I am sure you guys will understand when you are married that you always need to be on your spouse's team. That doesn't mean I forgive her and I am not condoning her actions, but I love your mother very much, despite the crazy things she does." Serena smiles softly, remembering Dan saying something along those lines about her a few years ago.

"Well I can't forgive mom yet, but it does kind of help, thanks Rufus," Serena says and hugs her stepfather.

"I am going to walk a little with Serena, but tell mom that I will be home soon." Eric tells Rufus and waves goodbye. Rufus watches his stepchildren get into a cab and then walks back inside, taking the elevator to the penthouse to see his wife.

Lily hears the elevator ding open from upstairs and lets out a sigh. She is hoping that it isn't her children, coming back for another battle.

"Hey Lil," Rufus says, catching her by surprise. Lily hears his voice and walks over to him hesitantly, not knowing where they stand at the moment.

"I owe you a huge apology Rufus, I'm sorry for keeping this from you. I seem to do that a lot even though I promised I wouldn't." Rufus absorbs her apology, nodding at her words. He desperately wants to be angry with her, but he never is able to do that for long.

"I don't know if I can forgive you when you do the same thing over and over. I want to, but Lil, nothing changes." She bites her lip, diverting her gaze over his shoulder.

"Rufus, I was doing this for Serena, Ben is no good for her. I thought if he went away then it would be the end of it. I promise I will never do that again. I'm sorry." By the end, her voice lowers to a whisper. Rufus scratches his temple; he is torn between forgiving his wife and still holding onto that anger.

"I want to believe you, but I think I am going to sleep in the office tonight. We can talk more about this in the morning." Rufus kisses her on the cheek and gathers his clothes to spend the night in his office. Lily grabs his hand as he is leaving,

"I love you. I just thought you should hear that."

"I love you too Lily, goodnight." He kisses her forehead and closes the door behind him.

"_What are you going to do?" "I don't know what deal he cut with Thorpe, but it is not the way to win."_

Lily and Rufus' lips touch for a swift goodbye kiss. She takes the elevator out of the penthouse while he retreats into the kitchen to set his Valentine's Day plans back on the counter. Rufus knows that Chuck deeply hurt Lily by making Russell an ally and hopes that it won't cost them their relationship. Rufus shakes his head; he can't comprehend why Chuck would jeopardize his bond with Lily when she has constantly stood by him. She was the only one who welcomed him with open arms after he came back from Paris. This is why Rufus has an issue with Chuck, he is so selfish that he can't see the people he is hurting, he just does whatever pleases him without taking anyone else's feelings into consideration. Rufus has to just let his wife handle her son the best way she can and wait for her to come back. He flicks the downstairs light off, heading upstairs to take a shower and relax before Lily returns. Hopefully, she won't be too upset and they can still have a fun Valentine's Day.

Lily bursts into the penthouse about an hour later. The things Chuck said to her, still echoing in her mind. She needs Rufus to tell her that her world isn't falling apart, that there is still a slim chance of reconciliation for her and Chuck. Lily spots the abandoned flowers resting on the tray her husband put together for her. She should have just stayed home instead of trying to defend herself from her son; it would've hurt a lot less.

"Rufus!" She calls out, her voice wobbling slightly.

"Up here Lil!" Lily quickly hurries to their bedroom, flipping off her heels at the foot of the bed and crawling as close to her husband as possible. Rufus can feel her trembling against him; he is going to punch Chuck for doing this to Lily. "Tell me what happened." Lily turns to face him, her cheeks already stained with tears.

"Rufus, it was awful. H-h-he said that the adoption was only a business deal, he thinks I never loved him!" Lily cries, simply beside herself. Rufus rubs soothing circles on her side, compressing a kiss to her temple.

"Honey, I know you love him, but Chuck's got to be the one to fix this. It isn't fair to you to keep investing your feelings if it only is going to hurt you. I hate seeing you this upset, it isn't like you."

"I must be getting soft," Lily mumbles, wiping away the mascara tears blackening her cheeks. Rufus flashes a lopsided grin, glad to see his wife rebounding from her terrible encounter with Chuck.

"You? Soft? There's no way." He jokes, reaching his arm around to bring her in for a kiss, tasting her salty tears. Lily smiles against their lips; her husband always knows how to make her feel better.

"Can we watch _Love Actually _and have some of that fondue?" She asks when they separate.

"Of course, I'll get it. Why don't you clean yourself up?" Lily nods and gives him another kiss before changing into her Valentine's Day present to Rufus while he goes to get the aforementioned items.

"_There is nothing more appealing to me than staying home with you, watching a 100 movies and never seeing those women again." "Well, good because I can tell you that's what we are going to do for at least the next nine months, or six for good behavior."_

They lean towards each other, lips colliding. Lily places her hand on Rufus' cheek, letting it slide down to his shoulder while they are kissing. Lily is the first one to pull away, resting her forehead against his.

"Thank you Rufus, for standing by me through all of this drama, I know this hasn't been easy for you." He tips his head up to kiss her on the forehead, appreciating the fact that she is finally admitting fault for what she did to Ben.

"Lil, I am your husband, it's my job to stick by you. However, if you ever pull that crap again, I am taking half your money and running back to Brooklyn." A light-hearted joke peppered with a warning.

"I can assure you, it won't happen. I have learned my lesson and this will be the only felony I ever commit. Unless of course, CeCe gets out of line, then…" Lily trails off, nudging her shoulder against Rufus'.

"I don't think anyone will complain if your mother is murdered. In fact, I will host a party here, at the penthouse, for the occasion." Lily laughs at her husband's distaste for her mother. However, her good mood disintegrates when the reality of her situation hits her.

"It was so nice of the judge to give me house arrest, but I don't know what I am going to do. I might go crazy staying here for the next nine months." Rufus clasps her hand and leans in to kiss her cheek.

"Believe it or not, house arrest could be good for us." Lily quirks an eyebrow at him,

"In what possible way could me sitting at home bored out of my mind, good for us?"

"Well…you aren't going anywhere anytime soon, so we can have sex all we want." Lily laughs and drops her head on his shoulder.

"Oh, I am glad my arrangement works out so great for you." Rufus gives her a cheeky grin,

"Come on Lil; don't tell me you weren't thinking the same thing." Lily blushes,

"I'm not admitting to anything." Husband and wife eye each other, trying to get the other to cave in. Rufus huffs and drapes his arm around her shoulder.

"Did you have fun at the Pink Party? I mean, before Anne Archibald disowned you in our own home." Lily shrugs,

"I really appreciated that you got the party moved for me, but being a social pariah wasn't the greatest. However, I did enjoy getting the police to throw all of those women out." Rufus turns to look at her, brushing a kiss to her cheek.

"I didn't know Lily Humphrey was able to give up on the Upper East Side society."

"I'm not giving up; I'm retreating and plotting my revenge until I can get this stupid ankle monitor off." Rufus bends down and picks her ankle up, grazing his thumb over the monitor.

"I like it, it gives you kind of an edge, reminds me of our younger wild days." Lily shakes her head, moving to straddle him.

"Oh yeah? Well you can wear it instead of me, this damn thing itches."

"My ankle is too fat." Rufus jokes and loops his arms around her neck, pulling her in for a fierce kiss.

"…_Well I am going to be getting very pale, this thing doesn't come off until the fall, just in time to send my baby off to college." "…At least you don't have to worry about sun damage and we don't have to spend the month of August with Eleanor and Cyrus on that cruise like they suggested. Can you imagine?"_

Lily laughs and glides her hand down her husband's arm. They say goodbye to Charlie and head upstairs. Rufus grabs Lily's hand and takes them into their bedroom.

"Rufus! Charles and Blair are downstairs, along with Serena. I can't…" Lily breaks off when Rufus' thrusts his lips onto hers. He pulls away, uncharacteristic for him. Lily sighs and combs a piece of hair out of his eye.

"Something on your mind Lil?" He asks, gently letting them collapse on their bed. Lily's eyes barrel down to her ankle, frowning at the monitor that has been attached to her for the past few weeks. Rufus follows her eyes and nods in understanding.

"I just…feel bad because I know that I am being an inconvenience to you. If you want to go with Cyrus and Eleanor on that cruise, you should go." Rufus laughs and brushes his thumb over her cheek.

"Trust me Lil; the last place I want to be without you is on a boat with Cyrus and Eleanor for a month. So, since you are going to be stuck at the penthouse all summer, I think I am going to take your money and have a nice vacation by myself somewhere." Lily's jaw drops open and she swats her husband on the arm.

"First of all it's _our_ money to spend and second, seriously?" Rufus tries to keep a straight face, but can't.

"No honey, I am going to spend the summer with you… until I get a better offer."

"Rufus!" He snickers as Lily rolls off of him, lying next to him on the bed instead.

"I promise I will try to make this summer as fun for you as possible." He says in all seriousness, moving his hand to gently rub her hip.

"That's all I ask….and daily foot and ankle massages." Lily shoots a convincing smile, putting her long legs onto his lap. Rufus sits up against the pillows and looks down at her ankles resting his lap with a smirk.

"What? No, I am your husband, not your masseuse." He skates his fingers down her legs, tucking his finger through the gap between her skin and the monitor. Lily tracks his movements and lies back on the bed.

"Why can't you be both? Or I could hire a hot, male masseuse to keep me company all summer while you go on vacation. It's a win for both of us." Rufus glares at her comment and snaps her monitor against her flesh, making Lily grimace. "Ow, Rufus, that hurt."

"Good, now let's talk about what we are going to do this summer for real this time." Lily wiggles her toes in his lap and bites her lip.

"I think I just want to stay in bed. What about you?" Rufus smiles and moves his head down to kiss her, shelving their conversation for later.

**A/N 2: Alright, that's the end! I hope you guys liked my extension of my favorite R/L scenes. I promise I will get **_**Flawed and Fragmented **_**up as soon as possible. Thanks for reading!**


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